Showing posts with label singlehood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label singlehood. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

New Territory: I Think Too Much... I Think?

Sometimes its so hard to get out of my own head. At times, I get so upset with the world and everything that is going on around me, that I end up taking it out on Dimples.

He is extremely patient with me. I am moody. I dont think Im too bad, because Dimples thinks being with me is headache-free, but I wouldnt say that being with me is exactly a cakewalk either.

I have heavy baggage, and although I am in the process of shedding the weight, it can pull me down if I don't keep it under control.

Some baggage issues include:

Trust
communicating my TRUE feelings
accepting that I DESERVE happiness
giving love without fear
fear of failure
fear that Im never doing enough

That probably sums it up, but Im not even sure. LOL

Anyway, my thoughts can sometimes get the best of me, and I sometimes have a hard time distinguishing who my enemies are... I get short with Dimples... But he isnt combative.

That's good. He just gives me space and time. He offers to be there for me when Im ready.

Here's an excerpt of our text convo from last week, when I was tripping on him for no reason. Really I was upset with something else that was going on. Dimples handled me well...

NOTE: He's gray, Im blue B
Basically, I was saying that if he wants to break up, then fine. Even though he NEVER said he wanted to. LOL I was tripping.








Tuesday, December 16, 2014

New Territory: Im So Lucky!

Dimples is just as mushy and corny as I am.
Thinking back on many of our conversations, the dialogue sounds like the script out of a romantic comedy. Im serious!

He is always telling me how much he loves me, and he would be crazy to walk away from me.
Im always telling him that Im going to marry him one day! He doesnt even balk. In fact, he always nods in agreement.

I just laugh so hard when Im with him.
I feel like a teenager again, all googly-eyed and in love.
I am Happy. 

I know I've never touched on this, but our physical chemistry is FIRE.
And even though we dont always become physically intimate when we spend time together, when we do, it's amazing.

He is so open about his feelings. I can hardly believe it sometimes, the way he talks to me and expresses himself. I know many men dont like to show vulnerability. But Dimples showed me his vulnerable side and made me open up to him more than I ever have to anyone else before.

As I said above, I really do feel like Im in some type of fantasy or movie. Dimples just gets me. And I get him. He is sensitive. I never knew I would love a sensitive man, but I do.

Maybe I didnt know even what sensitive meant back then.

I do now though. And I realize that it takes a really strong person to be sensitive. To have a big heart.

I am so fortunate to have this experience. Even if we dont last, at least I will have known what true happiness is.




Thursday, December 11, 2014

New Territory: Our First Trip to a Gay Sports Bar / Patience is a Virtue

On Our Way Out

Going out on actual dates can be challenging when dating someone with children. As I've already told you in previous posts, Dimples and I don't get out much because of his schedule. I get frustrated sometimes, but after making my mind up to be patient, I have been trying my best not to complain about his lack of availability.

We agreed to see each other at least three times a week and have a date night once a month that can not be cancelled except in cases of extreme emergency.

After nearly a month, I hadnt been seeing as much of Dimples as I had hoped. I was getting frustrated. I told my mom the way I felt. I told my best friend. I told them how I was struggling keeping myself busy on the weekends, while Dimples was attending soccer games and doing other daddy duties. Sometimes, it felt like he'd forgotten about me. But I have to give him credit for always texting me to let me know he was thinking of me, or he loved me. He also makes it a point to call me every evening. But still, sometimes I would feel neglected. For example, I had a big state board test to take, and Dimples didnt even wish me luck the morning I went.

After the exam was over, I was so nervous about whether or not I passed the test that I couldnt even eat! I was in agony going over the test in my head a million times, trying to figure out where I may have messed up. I really needed the extra support from Dimples, and I didnt get it, because he was tied up with work, and his children's activities. I understood that I needed to be patient, but it was hard. Especially since I was stressing over my test.

He texted me and told me he felt really bad for not wishing me luck. He said that I shouldnt worry about the exam, and he knows I passed. I accepted his apology and I planned to talk to him when I saw him next to air my grievances.

The next day I saw him but i didnt bring up any issues. Something told me not to say anything. I decided to enjoy his visit. We watched a movie and laughed a lot, as usual. He asked me if I wanted to go out. I didnt feel up to it, but was glad that he had suggested it. The next day, he spent more time with me than usual.

The evening after that, he texted me around 1030 to ask me if I wanted to go out. I was in bed, thinking I was in for the night, but we hadnt been out together since our first date, so of course I was not going to turn him down again!

He told me I had about 45 minutes to get ready. I was so excited. I decided to wear some retro Jordache jeans and a Free People sweater. I chose a comfortable platform bootie that gave me a little height, just in case we went dancing or something. He's so much taller than I am, so it was best to wear heels.

He picked me up and we were on our way. As we pull off, he asks me if I want to go anywhere in particular. I didn't care where we went, I was just happy to be with him, in his own space, so to speak. He said, "Let's just drive and play it by ear." I was cool with that.

He started playing music, and I instantly started to fall even harder for him, because what did he put on? Why, 90s Hip Hop, of course! I felt even more at home with him. I probably fell that much deeper in love with him as we rode up I95 toward D.C.

I felt "home." That's the best way to describe the way I felt. 

Conversation was great, and of course we just laughed a lot and continued getting to know each other. I have to let you guys know that his car was spotless! I like that.

Anyway, we got to DC and decided to go to U Street. I knew where to park that wouldnt put us too far from what was happening in the street! Im glad he listened to me, otherwise we would have been driving around all night. It was already nearing midnight, so we needed to find a parking spot quickly and get the party started.

When I got out of the car that cold air HIT ME! It was so cold. Dimples exclaimed, "We are going to go into the first bar that doesnt have a line to get in. Okay?" I agreed.

We walked by a couple spots with lines down the street. Then Dimples looked across the street and we noticed a really cool looking spot that only had a handful of people in line to get in. We beelined over there. Once we walked inside, we noticed that there was a bar about 10 feet from the door. Dimples walked right up to the bar. I decided we should at least walk a bit further into the place before we order drinks to get a feel for it.

It was a welcoming atmosphere and the music was kicking. It was a sports bar, and had lots of televisions broadcasting sporting events. There were three levels, and a rooftop deck, but of course it was too cold to go up there. We posted up at a back bar near some stairs. Dimples ordered us drinks. I began to really look around at the crowd and noticed the significant lack of women.

I tapped Dimples. "Uh, babe. I think this is a gay bar."
He looked down at me. "Huh? Why do you say that?"

I said, "Look around. Where are the women? There's only a few and check out how many dudes are in here!"

Dimples, surveyed the room. He looked at me, and said, "I think you're right!"

We just thought about it for a moment and spoke at the same time:

-"Do you want to leave?" (Me)
- "I think I'm uncomfortable in here now." (Him)

I said, "It's cold out there. It's not too crowded here. Let's just stay. Nobody is paying us any mind. Let's just get a drink and then we should go, I guess. But I dont have a problem if you don't."

He just shrugged and said, "Well, I guess now you know that we can have fun anywhere!"

That was that. We had so much fun. At first it seemed like people were staring at us as though we didnt belong, but maybe that was all a figment of our imaginations.

The patrons were cool. And nobody was over the top, or flamboyant. But, Dimples witnessed something that got him hyped.

Turns out that as I'm sipping my drink and people watching, I missed somthing, but my date didnt! Dimples leans down and whispers in my ear, "Hey guess what I just saw?" (I shrug in response) "The bartender kissed another man right on the lips," he continued. "You know what that means, right?"

I look at him dumbfounded. He said, "That means we can do whatever we want! No rules! I want to put you on the bar and kiss you!" Then he starts to pick me up. I say, "NO! NO! NO!"

He's laughing at me. He keeps attempting to sit me on the bar until I say, "Please don't embarrass me!"  That made him chill out. Phew! I hate to cause a scene.... Sometimes.

The rest of the night was cool. We just sipped our drinks, made out in a demonstration of obnixious hetero PDA, and was just hugged up at the bar. I met a funny white girl who took our picture.

Dimples swears I kissed that girl, but I have no recollection of it.


After we left the bar (which is called, Nellie's), we hustled back to his car. It was FREEZING. He offered me his warm puffy vest, and I got instant warmth when I put it on! Glad he's chivalrous, or else I would have been an ice pop by the time we reached his car.

Once we were inside his car, I was all over him! Just kissing him and touching him everywhere! He was a little surprised, like, "You're doing this in my car?" I just felt so much for him because he is so cool! A lot of men would have dragged me out of that gay sports bar and into the biting cold because of their fear of being taken for a softie or downlow homosexual, just for staying in the bar. But Dimples said he really doesnt have a problem, as long as no dudes try to make any advances. Nobody did, because it was clear we were an item.

He has an open mind, and a kind, gentle disposition. But he is still strong and extremely masculine. Very balanced. That is what I had been looking for my entire life, and didnt even know it until I met Dimples.

Both of us were really hungry once we left Nellie's, so we headed to Denny's. He ordered the bottomless pancakes and really dug in. He ate four stacks! Sheesh, what an appetite! Funny thing is, he fell asleep on me before we even finished. I guess he was pooped. Our waiter was funny and we cracked a few jokes about my sleeping giant...

I woke him up and he drove us back to my place where we both passed out.

Great night!
Those hotcakes didnt stand a chance!













Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Is it too late to find love when you're pushing 40?

Awww man you guys. I really like this guy, Dimples. I mean I LOVE this guy, Dimples...

Things are so perfect between us that Im really getting scared. Scared that this isnt real. We made it past the 3 month mark just fine.

Next stop, month 6 and meeting his children.





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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

We Never Make it Outside

Im always telling Dimples that we dont go out enough. Well today, he decided to surprise me and called me in the morning asking me what my schedule was like. It was open, so he said he was gonna pick me up and take me to the driving range.

I hadnt seen him nearly a week, so I was ecstatic. I played it down though and jokingly told him I was gonna go back to sleep (he had called while I was half sleep). I also told him that I was feeling pretty amorous as well.

He said, no, we arent going to fool around. I want to take you out, especially since you complain about us not leaving the house.

I asked why couldnt we do both! He pretty much answered that its because we dont usually have quick episodes, and once we got started, we wouldnt have time for much else.

We hung up and I did stay in bed for a while, before getting up and dressed. As he was coming through my bedroom door, I was in my walk-in closet zipping up my jeans. He came into the closet and hugged me tightly.

We greeted each other and I told him that I was getting dressed and we could leave.

Funny thing is, we just started talking to each other. Sometimes we were quiet and simply stared. That always happens. We get so caught up in each other, that we dont do anything!

He said, "See? This is why we never get out of the house."

One thing led to another and next thing I knew, we were cuddled up watching Bad Granpa.

I don't know what Im gonna do with him.

I told him we would probably be married. He grabbed my face and brought my gaze up to his.

Looking me straight in the eyes, he asked me if I was serious. I said that I was.

I told him that I wanted to try really hard with him to make this work.

He asked me was I really ready to go all the way. I said I was sure.


Saturday, November 19, 2011

entry one: background

Im beginning this blog to chronicle my journey of finding my next monogamous relationship. I intend to be brutally honest. I guess I dont care that much about who knows, but enough to not tell my friends about this new blog.

Anyway, Im a single (obviously) mother of one. Divorced since 2006. Single (via legal separation) since 2003. Ive had two relationships in the last eight years that I would consider serious. But in both cases, I was not ready to settle down.

Last year sometime, I decided I was ready to allow true love into my life. Its been a tough journey and I decided to share it with the world as opposed to my old fashioned diary. Hopefully I get feedback and comments.

Anyway, I have to run, but I will be back to let you know the ups and downs of my dating life. My quest to connect with a special someone.

I am sensitive, yet tough; easy-going, yet anxious; and most of all, I just want this a LOT. Maybe its because I just turned 34. I don’t know.

I live my life to the fullest. I travel a lot, have an active social life…. But when it comes to men, I keep messing up. LOL

Still tryna figure all this out.

Anyway, hang in there with me, and ENJOY