Is she still dating? I DON’T THINK SO

Me driving to the TreeHouse

Hello to our readers and followers.  I know I missed last week’s blog entry, and was disciplined accordingly ;-) …. I will try not let it happen again.  I don’t know though, I kinda liked the punishment, LOL…

Sha’ahn and I were talking, and she mentioned changing the title of the blog, so the other day, I was thinking to myself, “Does she still consider this dating? Hmmm…” Oh, and Sha’ahn does not know that I have been thinking about the title, but she DOES NOW!!" 

As you should know, she mentioned not being on the same page pertaining to marriage and having a baby, but more on the baby side, which is ok, because we both already have kids/a kid.  Plus with what we want to get accomplished in the next few years, it would be harder, but I was still ok with that challenge.  I think she was thinking of the possible challenges, but my point to her was that previously she seemed so gung-ho about the idea. 

Ladies DO NOT communicate emotionally!! 

Sha’ahn is my soulmate, so I believe we can and will work through anything we may encounter, but our miscommunication made me curious, and now I have a question to ask you all. (And would love some real feedback.) 

Is there a step or category between dating and being engaged?  Let me know…

Now, back to us... So, are we talking marriage here, YES!!!  I love and enjoy her way too much to let her get away. I will go as far to say I love her more than any woman I’ve been with before, and it keeps getting deeper and deeper. 

This past weekend Sha’ahn invited me to ride to Philly with her to take her father home and to a friend's cookout. Not sure if Sha’ahn ever blogged about the first time she invited me to Philly, and I did not go.  She was a little mad, and later said that she would not invite me anywhere anymore, but that was in the beginning of the 2^nd quarter, lol… 

We rolled out Saturday afternoon about 1:00. I had to totally bite my tongue and not speak about the departure time. I am a logistics person, and would have loved to have left at 6am to avoid traffic.  But it was cool, we had a little traffic, but not too bad.  Our first stop was her dad’s house. After leaving there, we drove through her neighborhood she grew up in. Love the city, but way different from where I grew up.  But I love getting deeper into knowing her and how she became who she is today.  She showed me the school she went to, the yard where she beat some girls ass, and where she had her first kiss. I would love to take her back to that same spot one day in our old age and kiss her myself.

Not sure if she realized it or not, but I enjoyed her showing me all this.  Like I said, I love getting closer….

After the short tour, we rolled over to her friends cookout.  Just a little background: almost all of the people at the cookout Sha’ahn had never met in person prior to that day.  She used to be a member of this private FB group of people pretty much from Philly, but her best friend from childhood is still a member.  Her best friend and I have spoken several times on the phone but never met. That was another part of the trip I was really looking forward to, meeting her homegirl.  So, Sha’ahn had told me (while she was in the group) different stories of dudes flirting or coming at her out of this group when she was in it. 

You can probably imagine my mindset. You know I am going somewhere with her, where I know NO-one, not even from online, but she does, and knows dudes that are attracted to her will be there.  But it was ok because I love a challenge. Maybe I shouldn’t say a challenge, but my knowing that other men already have disclosed that they are interested could be a little sticky. Let me put your excitement to rest, there were no issues or incidents, LOL. I met a lot of guys who may have been smiling in my face, but were truly hating, but I LOVE IT!  Conversely, I met some cool dudes too. 

Just like with the guys, there were women that I met that may or may not have been hating on Sha’ahn.  

OH, without going into deep description, the house where the cookout was held, was set up to another level! It was almost as if we were at an outdoor restaurant/bar.  Very, VERY unique, you would have to see it….  We stayed for like 6 hours.  I met her best friend, we laughed, had some drinks, great food, and an unforgettable time.  OH, and a lot of pictures.  Actually pictures I never even knew were taken, LOL… I felt like because Sha’ahn is so public with social media, we were in the spotlight.  People were posting different comments about us and congratulations on the engagement.  It was all very foreign to me, but I’m cool with it.   We drove back around 1am, and laid around the house all Sunday, which was very enjoyable too;-)  I AM READY FOR THE NEXT ROAD TRIP!!

Every man dies, not every man really lives.- Braveheart

With Sha’ahn I truly feel like I’m living….

Thanks for reading, check us out ANY & EVERYWHERE

-JJJ

Our Dads Are Complete Opposites

This past Saturday, James invited my dad and I to his parents' house on Lake Anna. I was definitely going to go because I didnt see James for more than an hour in the last seven days, and I was missing him something terrible! I missed him so much last week, that I was irritable and cranky the whole week! I was even mean to James, which was the exact opposite of how I was feeling. But he kept trying to see me in little snatches of time when he could, and I was just like, "Look! When I can see you for more than five minutes, let me know. Otherwise, handle your business."

I was irritable because I missed James, and on top of that, I was a little upset with myself for feeling that way when I KNEW he was busy building business, which of course will benefit me in the long run. I know what I want with James and he knows what he wants from me, so he is working to make it all happen. He is only one person, and I know that, but I just want my whole piece of him every day. When I don't get it, I start tripping and lashing out.

A few times we spoke on the phone last week, I was all short with James, and he couldnt figure out why. (One time it was because he insulted my hair without even seeing it, so I hung up on him after less than a minute. He apologized about that too, but otherwise, he was clueless.)

Anyway, as I said, I told my dad we would go to the lake and stay for a while. I got a late start that morning, so instead of leaving at 11, we left at noon. Traffic was HORRIBLE, so it took over an hour to get there. (BOOOOO) As we were driving down the driveway to the house, my dad was like, "Oh boy, this driveway needs to be paved. I would hate to drive out here in the winter time." I was like, "Tell me about it!" The driveway is filled with gravel, but there are uneven spots, so my sporty car was going, "bumpety bump bump," as I made my way down. I forgot how uneven the driveway was, and I was going a little too fast, but I was ok, and so was my baby Benz.

Speaking of the benz, I was hearing a pulling sound, so my dad took a look underneath it, when we got out the car. He didnt see anything, so he asked James, who had just appeared from around the side of the house, to take a look at it. James said it's probably because one of my tires needed air.

After that, James walked us around the house into the garage. My dad had brought a sheet of wood to cut for stakes to hold up my tomato plants. James already had the hand saw out ready to cut. They both worked together to cut the wood. I watched and took pics. Unfortunately, I did not take pictures of the view of the lake. I don't know why I keep forgetting to do that. Im telling you guys, the view is breathtaking. The lake is so peaceful too. My father, who is pretty hyper, was even a bit tranquil while there.

cutting the stakes out

James' two sons, who were down at the dock, walked up to see what the men were doing with the saw. I greeted them both with a hug. They are so sweet. The youngest one looks just like James, dimples and all. His daughter was inside playing a video game, according to his oldest son. I introduced my father to the boys and then they asked if they could ride their jet ski. James told them to wait a while because he needed to do some things first, but they were free to play in the sand and more shallow water until he was done.

Before they finished cutting the stakes out of the plank of wood, James' father returned home from church. The Mrs. wasn't with him, because there was a luncheon at the church, so she had stayed behind. I told my dad that maybe we would be there long enough so he could meet her too.

After cutting the wood up, James and I took the garbage to the local dump. It was a chance for us to get away from prying eyes and talk in private. James' father had asked us to pick up a Sunday paper for him as well, but the store had sold out. We left the store, then went to the dump. While we were in the truck, we talked about how we missed each other so much during our week apart. I apologized for being cranky with him. I told him it was only because I missed him, and wanted to see him. He said he understood.

You guys, James is the most even-tempered person I have ever met. He rarely gets upset or angry. I appreciate that about him and he helps me balance my own moods out. The longer we are together, the more I notice how much Im changing and becoming more patient and even a bit more kind. He doesn't assume that people have ulterior motives or bad intentions. I had a habit of questioning everything people do, and wondering what their motives were when unexceptionally kind. But now, Im doing that much less.

Anyway, I was supposed to be telling you guys how different James' father is from my own. The biggest apparent difference is in their social natures. My dad is a people person and will talk your ears off. James' dad is a man of very few words. But he will talk to you, of course, and answer questions. We left the two together, and my dad told me that he lead the conversation.

Both our fathers are Vietnam era veterans. My dad was Marines, and James' dad was Army. James' father is an entrepreneur and built a few businesses before retiring to the lake. My dad worked for DoD then became a carpenter, cook, handyman and now does odd jobs most of the time. He lives a peaceful life but not on a lake. He lives in an apt in West Philly. The two men couldn't be more different.

One thing they do share is a love for their family and friends, and they want them to be comfortable and happy. Both of them also are controlling to an extent. I guess it's just that time they came up in that makes them that way. By controlling, I mean, they want things done in a certain way. My way or the Highway mentality is strong in these guys!

We all just sat on the dock at the lake and watched the kids splash around. After a while, James attempted to take the jet ski out, but it needed some type of repair. The kids were disappointed. They just played in the lake though, so it was no big deal.

It was so peaceful out there. Even my father was affected by the peace and beauty of Lake Anna. He got quiet for a little while!

We all had a really good day, and after a couple hours, I thought it was time to go. I think my dad was talking James' dad to death, but I wasnt sure. LOL In any event, I wanted to beat the traffic home, so I decided to get going.

James and the kids had wanted us to stay for dinner, but we went on home. As I was driving back to my place, my dad was laughing about the kids and how well mannered they were. He remarked about how the oldest would tease the younger ones a bit. But he could tell it was all love. He said, "Babe, you met a really nice guy and he has a nice family." I told my dad that I know how lucky I am and if it was appropriate, I would go as far as to thank James' ex-wife for doing me a favor by letting him go. He just laughed.

That's it guys. It's all love and all good. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more.

He's gonna start blogging... Im Hanging With Family

 A lot has been going on, and I didnt write it. I shot this video!



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PMS Saved My Relationship... July 2nd Changed Everything

Yup, you read it right.. PreMenstrual Syndrome just may possible have given my relationship the true chance it deserves.

Our weekend began last Thursday. We were not exactly beefing, but earlier that week there was some tension. Remember the whole PMS thing? Okay, well I have been tracking my cycle and it seems that I get really sensitive and irritable around the 18th day in the 26-day cycle.

In an effort to assuage any PMS-induced conflicts, James and I have an understanding that around that time of the month, we will be extra patient and open communicators. This way, we avoid problems. We made this agreement after the whole Easter Trip Madness.

James is so patient with me, and understanding. I really dont like snapping off at him over trivial issues, so this hyperawareness is helpful. At the same time, we dont want to have to walk around on eggshells during that time of the month either, so now, its a daily practice that we talk everything out. No matter how long it takes and no matter what is said. And on my part, I really stop and think before I react, just to make sure it's legit and not PMS emotions fueling me.

Let me tell you, oh how our relationship has made LEAPS and BOUNDS since we started this!

Okay, so back to what I was saying before I get too ahead of myself.

Last week, I was feeling a little funky and definitely acting distant from James. I was also fighting allergy attacks big time, so I was irritable too. I just wanted to stay home and curl up in bed. I could hardly hear because my ears were stopped up. My nose kept running and I couldnt stop sneezing.

I missed school a lot last week and everything.

James noticed I was quiet all week. Not texting him back or calling. I guess he had enough, so he called me Thursday and told me we were going out. I was tempted to tell him I was too tired, but I had turned him down the weekend before for going out and I felt like I NEEDED to hang with him so as to fight off that PMS.

When he got to my house, it was around 7. He told me I had time to nap before we left because he needed to do some things first. I was fine with that.

We ended up leaving around 9:30. Not sure what came over myself or James, but Thursday, July 2, 2015 marked a new beginning in the James and Sha'ahn story. I mean, we really didnt do much different than usual... We got gas, we goofed around, we broadcasted on Periscope... We had fun.

Some say it was the new moon, or full moon... Either way, we bonded that night and into the weekend like never before.

I cant say that anything really was any different than any other evening out in DC, but I'll lay everything out for you anyway. Maybe you'll find the "trigger" point to the transformation.

We got to DC and the night was beautiful. After so much rain, the clear night sky was nice and fresh, not humid or balmy. We talked, held hands and found a bar to hang in that wasnt too crowded... See? Nothing out of the ordinary so far. I will admit that James was gripping my hand tightly as we walked together, but thats all I noticed at that time.

Anyway, for some reason that night I got the raps. (Slang for motormouth) Im not a drinker, so I only had one drink. And try as I might, I cant blame the alcohol for making me so talkative. I shared everything. I opened up like never before, and James listened. He listed as I talked for nearly two hours about our relationship, my past relationships, how I feel about their effect on me, and this new relationship. Mostly I was talking about how Ive treated James differently than anyone else before. Taking risks and being vulnerable.

We danced a little and stayed until 2.

On the drive home, James told me he appreciated me opening up and he understood me a lot better. He had some questions to ask me when we got to my place, and thats when things really started to get interesting.

James asked me about my emotional fortress. He told me he could see the layers I had built around myself, and said he wasnt sure how to get to the true Sha'ahn. He said he hadnt really trusted that I was fully invested and had been holding back the entire relationship. I told him that I felt the same way.

I got angry at him though because he asked me to be his woman back in October! I told him that it was unfair to push me so hard, when he wasnt even sure himself what he wanted. He said he was sure he wanted me, but wasnt sure I wanted him, so he was waiting on me to show my hand first! I smacked him! LOL I said, that was totally wrong.

We talked about the "game" we used on each other and gave up our "playa" secrets. 

We talked about our past arguments with each other, and dissected everything. We fessed up to doing dirt and forgave each other ALL PAST GRIEVANCES.

You wont believe this, be we talked until 6AM! I had to go to work by 10, so I was a little tired. But I was extremely happy. I had a full day at the spa, but I wasnt even tired, because I was so happy.

When I got off work, I came home, and James had my massage table out, some essential oils and incense and candles burning. It was Just what I needed! He told me to undress, and then he gave me a massage. He said it was my turn for pampering.

Then he told me that he wanted to continue our conversation from that morning, but this time, it was his time to talk. He told me his fears and concerns going into this relationship with me. He said me not wanting to date a man with kids had him intimidated, but he pursued me anyway because he saw something in me. He told me that he was ready to move forward with me for real. No hesitation, no fears or doubts.

James said that his biggest fear was based on his own actions in previous relationships too! I said, "Huh?" He said, that because he and I are so much alike, it colored his perception of me! LOL He said, "Man, Ive done some serious dirt in the past, and since you are so much like me, I was putting that onto you!"

I laughed, because I was doing the same thing!

Right then and there we made vows to always talk, to love each other and to be open and honest. We gave each other a totally clean slate.

We got naked, lay chest to chest and synced our breathing and heartbeats together. Then we each told the other what we planned to give and what we expected from each other. It was so moving! Both of us felt refreshed. James looked as though he would cry.

I asked him was he okay, and he said, he was. He just never felt this free and trusting of a woman before and it felt really good.

I agreed. I told him it was as if a weight was lifted, because I knew I wanted him, I just wasnt sure I could trust him. I apologized for testing him and putting him through so many hoops. It was all a defense mechanism for me.

The next day, Saturday, was July 4. Without hesitation, I told him Id be happy to chill with him and the kids if they'd have me. James was so relieved that I was ready to really move forward! He told me that he wanted me around his children more, but was afraid it might push me away.

He left to go pick them up and told me to meet him at his place around 8:30 that night.

I'll tell you about that in the next post!

But again, let me tell you all how good this feels. I swear its like BC and AD. James and I refer to our relationship now like this: Before Weekend / After Weekend. LOL Because thats how great a difference that weekend made in our lives.  Since that last Thursday, we have been all over each other! Cant stay out of the other's face, and cant stop saying, "I Love You."

Even on Saturday, before I could see him, James was calling me all day! LOL We stayed on the phone, or we were in person! Its like we cant get enough of the other person!

I Love LOVE!

Cheers!

Us July 2

Reality Check! Im Gonna Have to Move

These are the flowers James gave me

ATTENTION: THIS POST IS INCOMPLETE. I ORIGINALLY WROTE IT FOR JUNE 26, AND IT WAS DELETED. I WAS SO UPSET BECAUSE IT WAS A LONG POST. I DIDNT FINISH IT. PUBLISHING ANYWAY.... I HAVE SOME AMAZING POSTS COMING, SO NO WORRIES. AND TO GET TO THE BOTTOM LINE, AT THIS TIME, WE ARE NOT MOVING IN. HE ASKED THAT I MOVE OUT MY PLACE AND GET A SPOT WITH HIM. MY ANSWER AT THIS TIME IS NO.  HOWEVER, WE ARE STILL WORKING THROUGH THE IDEA...

James and I have been busy these last couple weeks, so we haven't seen each other as much as we would like.

Yesterday he texted me that he'd be at my place by the time I got home from school. I was so excited! I could hardly wait for 5:00 to roll around. I cleared my station quickly and hit I495.

When I pulled up to my house, I saw James' car and immediately I was giggling to myself. I was so happy to see him. My whole drive home I envisioned walking in the house and telling James to come to me. Then I'd stand on tiptoes to kiss him all dramatically. I don't know why but I still get so excited when he's around. I'm so good at playing it down though, that James doesn't know how I feel. 

When I came inside, I could smell food cooking. We hadn't cooked together in a while. I wondered whether he was cooking or was he planning to invite me to assist. 

I didn't have time to think beyond that because that's when I heard him moving around in the room above me. I followed the sounds upstairs and realized he was in the shower. 

My whole sexy, "kiss me" plan was spoiled. I cracked the bathroom door open and stuck my head in. I watched him for a moment before saying, "Hi." 

He said, "Hey babe."

I just stared at him while leaning against the door. 

He said, "What's up?" 

I said, "Nothing. But I don't know what to do about a problem I have." 

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Well, I was picturing myself coming home and kissing you, but you're in the shower and I don't want to get wet."

He stood there thinking. So did I.

I stood very still before I got the bright idea to open the shower door that was nearest the shower head. That way I wouldn't get wet. James leaned down and let me kiss him. My face got a little wet. It was cool though. We kissed for a while. I felt weak in the knees and they buckled under me. I said, "Dang! Your kisses literally make me weak in the knees!" 

He just looked at me as though he didn't believe me. I told him I wasn't faking. He said, "You usually don't kiss me like that." I asked what he meant by that, and he said I usually don't kiss all wild and crazy.  I told him I just really missed him. 

He just smiled and got back to cleaning up. I went back downstairs and started unpacking my school bag. 

I snuck a peek into the pots he had on the stove, and saw some potatoes and green beans cooking. I noticed the fake flowers in the vase on my kitchen table had been replaced with fresh flowers. I smiled to myself. I like that. I like THIS.

I decided to ask him about this living together situation later. I wanted to clarify and solidly plan for a future. And I think I want him coming home to me every night. 

I was still standing in the kitchen thinking about the future when James come up behind me and picks me up like I weigh nothing. He starts dancing to the music playing on his phone. I'm just laughing. I said, "One day you won't be picking me up like this!" 

He said, "Long as you weigh under a buck fifty, I'll be tossing you around easily!" 

We started getting frisky right there in the kitchen. We moved to the living room and were just really getting into it. We were starting to undress each other and everything, when all of a sudden James shouts, "The food!" I look up and notice smoke wafting into the living room from the kitchen. I jump up too. But instead of the kitchen, I headed for the steps. 

I said, "I hope dinner ain't gonna be Cajun style!" 

I need to wash up anyway. James told me he'd take care of the food, and that I should go ahead and shower. Dinner would be fine. 

I went up to shower and change into loungewear. When I got back to the kitchen, James had our plates made. It was steak, potatoes green beans and cheese bread. He did a really good job too. Last time he cooked, it was dry. I told him he's redeemed himself. We laughed. He told me the potatoes got a bit scorched so he simply cut the burnt part off before serving. I laughed. I said, "Babe, this is ridiculous! We are acting like teenagers!" We joked about how we are always all over each other like kids. 

Then James got serious. He said he was disappointed that I didn't notice the flowers. I didn't admit that I had actually noticed them. I don't know why I held that back. I just did. Anyway, I apologized and said thanks and I appreciate his thoughtfulness. He told me his original idea was for us to cook together but then he decided to cook for me so I wouldn't have to do anything. 

I asked him about his intentions to move in. He 

Fathers Day 2015: James Has a Heavy Head

James and I celebrated Father's Day on Monday. The weekend just didn't work out for either of us to see the other. My mom was in town visiting, so I couldn't visit him, and James had a family issue to deal with, so he couldn't come to my place.

I decided to treat him to dinner and a night of pampering. It was a surprise so I never mentioned anything about my plans. 

James wasn't expecting anything anyway because I'd gotten him a straight razor and shaving kit, complete with a strop, back in May. I told him that since it all cost a good bit of coinage, that it would be his Father's Day gift. I asked him if he wanted it now or later (Father's Day), and he chose "now". So as far as James was concerned, he'd already gotten his gift. 

Since a month has passed by though, I still wanted to make him feel special. I think he deserves it. I called him Sunday morning to say happy Father's Day and that's when I found out that he spent Father's Day chopping fallen tree limbs and hauling them after the crazy winds we got Saturday night. He said it was cool though, since he didn't really celebrate the holiday like that anyway. I didn't say much about my plans. I told him I was just chilling with my mom. 

Monday came and I had a lot to get done. I planted flowers in my front yard and tomatoes in back. I also put some petunias out back. I'm not sure how they'll do, but my calla lilies do well. 

I began cleaning the house. I just felt like the inside should match the outside. I loved the way the new flowers looked out there! I was inspired to do a deep cleaning. I cleaned the first and second floors from top to bottom including the doors and baseboards. I rearranged my kitchen and living room furniture too. (Next weekend I'll attack the third floor. My closet needs arranging and clearing out since I lost that 27 pounds. I thought weight would have come back by now but it's been seven months...) Pruned all my plants... I LOVE PLANTS. James and my dad are gonna dig me a garden! They just don't know it yet. 

Anyway, James had a short day of work Monday. He was at my house around 4. He brought food! Dang! My dinner plans foiled. I told him to get a shower and a nap while I finished cleaning because I had plans for him. He got hype! He smiled from ear to ear and picked me up. I told him to put me down because I was funky from cleaning all day. He didn't listen! He was swinging me all around like a rag doll. Then he abruptly stops, puts me down and holds his nose, before slowly backing away. I jumped up and smacked his head. 

He went into the kitchen and started shouting, "Oh wow! You've got food in the fridge!" 

(See, I have a bachelor looking fridge. It's usually empty.)

 I said, "Yeah, yeah, I got food cause Mommy insisted." 

I let him relax and chill on his own for a few hours. He ate, watched a Kevin Hart movie and fell asleep. He wanted me to nap with him but I had to decline. He was a little disappointed because he said it felt like he hadnt seen me in a while. I said, "it's only been since Thursday!"

Around 830 I told him to come downstairs for a facial. He started grinning. "With machines?" he asked. I nodded. He started chuckling. "I love when you use the machine." I rolled my eyes. He is so spoiled!

I just shook my head and went down to prep for James. I wore a lacey blue negligée just to spice it up. He thought I looked super sexy. He said, "You know blue is my favorite color, I love that on you, you look beautiful!" I just smiled. I was ready to do his facial so I could eat my dinner, relax with him and just cuddle.

When he got on my table, my intentions were to send healing and love through my touch. I started his facial. I had reggae music playing because that's James' favorite genre. (He commented about that too.) As soon as I put cleanser on his face and started to massage it in, James starts to moan! I said, "I just started!"

He said, "I love your hands on my face though. It feels really good. Im so relaxed, he sighed."

When I got to the massage portion, I did a cranium pull and let me tell you guys... Boy does James have a big old heavy head! That thing was tough to hold for two minutes. When I massaged his neck, I found two knots on either side. I told him he needed a medical massage, not a relaxing one. I had hooked him up with a massage therapist friend of mine, so he had a free massage coming his way. I told him I set it up, he just needs to find the time to go. He was so grateful! I just smiled and kissed him. 

When his facial gel mask was on, i asked him if he wanted his hands or feet massaged. He opted for hands. That put him right to sleep. I finished his facial and turned the light out. Just let him relax and rest. He works hard, and deserves his peace. 

He didn't stay there long though. I had gone upstairs to get my food and eat. He came up less than 10 minutes later. He thanked me for the facial. I thanked him for dinner. He said, "I just ordered it. I know what you like and dislike, so it was no biggie. And you know what? Thanks for bringing that out of me."

I said, "Bring what out of you?"

"Just me being more assertive and leading. It makes things easier," James said.

I responded with a puzzled look.

"Like instead of me asking you what you want to eat, I just order it. And you're gonna eat it," James continued. 

"Ahhh I understand," I replied. "But I wasn't just talking about food." (James was referring to a conversation we had last week about him stepping up in the relationship and taking more responsibility and leadership role if he really wants me to consider marrying him.)

"I know," He said. "But that's just an example." I nodded in agreement. 

We talked about men and women and gender roles and all that. I told him that I had zero interest in trying to be a man. I would be happy to have another decision maker around and I don't mind letting him do his man thing. I need that, actually. Call me old fashioned. But life is easier when women let men be men. I asked James whether he wanted to put the tv on or continue listening to music and talk. He said he wanted to keep talking. We talked all night with reggae playing in the background. 

James reminded me that we need to do a YouTube video too. I'll get right on it! 

Great night. As usual. 

I'm looking goofy and he looks normal SMH

Drama? I Should Have Seen It Coming. Its My Fault Anyway

The reason I blog about my relationships is not to brag when they are going well, or complain when they are going wrong. I do it for several reasons. Some of those reasons are self-serving, and other reasons are purely to motivate, encourage and serve my readers.

When I started posting videos about my relationship back in December 2012, it was purely to give a voice to black women who were dating Asian men. I was in this new relationship with a man from Bali. I met him when I was working on cruise ships and he was my coworker. He wasn't born and raised in America, and only visited every home port day! LOL. It was a culture shock for us both when he secured a visa and visited me in winter. I was in love. I was curious about what I may expect from interacting with his family and stuff. So, I searched the internet for videos about AMBW relationships. I was also looking for some help coping with the long distance situation as well.

I simply couldn't find anything that resonated with my age group and background, so I created my own space. I decided to share my experience, so other women could see or feel what I went through. You know? Maybe they could relate. That's actually what happened, and I began to build a following on YouTube. Many are reading this blog today. (If you have been with me since 2012 Bless you! And thank you. LOL)

Well, when Bali broke my heart in May 2013, I decided to document my dates online. I was embarrassed, but I still recorded and posted about him dumping me. I also told the world that I was going to create dating profiles online and tell them everything that happened.

After Bali, I honestly didn't think I would find a guy any time soon. I just knew I was not going to hide and sulk. Even though it happened in public, and people saw what I considered a failure, I kept going. Why? Well as I said, some of it was because I liked being in the limelight. I liked thinking of myself as a brave soul who was going to openly dish about her dating experiences. Maybe Ellen DeGeneres would see my blog or YouTube channel, and set me up with my dream man! But I also thought that maybe I would be able to help that woman who had given up on dating, to find renewed strength to get back out there and snag her a man!

I didn't think too much about how people might use my blog and videos to attack me though.
Big shock for me when I was dating Bali, that our videos got hundreds of hateful comments about interracial dating and how it was so wrong. Some said I betrayed my race, others called me horrid names... But comments like those eventually became easy to ignore. 

Fast forward to today mid-June 2015. I'm dating a kind, handsome, intelligent Black man. He really isn't perfect, but dammit, he tries to make me happy, you know? And he values me. We talk about everything and even though I have HORRIBLE mood swings, he sticks around.

A lot of people are happy for me. Especially those who have been around since the beginning. But some people are not happy about my new-found love and relationship. Being public about my relationship means I have to be prepared for the comments, spam and even venomous comments meant to place seeds of doubt and discord between my man and me.

In May I got comments on two blog posts and a message that made me pause. If you happened to catch the comments, then you know which ones I'm referring to, but I had to delete them because they contained some foul language that I was not comfortable leaving up on my blog. The comments were about James. I think it was an ex, or maybe a jumpoff who left the comment because they made a reference about something only those in intimate situations with him would know about. (HINT HINT WINK WINK) But truly, it could be anybody. Who knows?

In a nutshell, an anonymous commenter said James was a womanizer with an insatiable sexual appetite who would bring other women to my house and all that, as soon as my back was turned. The ghostwriter also said that basically everyone knows about his cheating ways except me and that these women would happily continue to be around even though he is with me.

My first reaction was shock of course, and embarrassment that someone would post details about sex right there in the comment box. My mom reads this blog! LOL so I got that thing down quick. At first I wasn't going to respond because if the commenter, didn't even have the courage to leave a name (fake or otherwise), why would I even give it consideration? And on top of that, if the situation was so good for her/the ladies, why would they mess it up by throwing a spotlight on it?

One of my regular blog supporters replied to the negative commenter and the commenter replied back. That was when I stepped in and said I don't respond to ghosts. The commenter came back with a scathing comment that was too lewd to keep posted. So I replied again, but this time I simply directed them to phone me with their issue. Why? Because what is the point in going back and forth on a blog? Especially with someone who is a coward and a liar? Besides, I'd rather have proof, so now they have my number! Funny, but since I posted my number, the commenter has been quiet.

So, I believe its just someone trying to throw salt in the game.

James was already over it, because he knows he didn't do anything wrong. Plus the commenter messed up and gave herself away by a statement she made that was so obviously a lie, it really blew her claims out the water. So I had to look at everything else she said as a probable lie as well. Even though I realized that she was bogus, it took me a while to get back to normal. I had James checking in like he was a parolee for a whole week there. LOL

You may be surprised to learn this, but it wasn't the comments from the hater that planted the seeds of doubt in my mind. Those doubts surfaced because I had doubts in myself. And that's when I realized that trust is a BIG DEAL. I choose to trust him. Just like he trusts me. But I did not trust myself.


I think what people fail to realize is that I am not the innocent one in all of this. I put James through a lot from the beginning. I was still talking to other guys all the way up to March! James found out and was angry with me. But he gave me a chance. Since then, I've not strayed. And I will not be straying. He is just too good to me. And I am tired of playing these games.

You're probably asking yourself what the heck is wrong with this woman? And you are right to do so. I told you guys before that I had trust issues and fear of committing. You know why? I hadn't put the garbage out. (Garbage from past traumas) So, in my mind, I needed a backup in case this relationships didn't work out. I needed a safety net. I could not give James my whole heart because what if he decided he didn't want to guard it anymore? People do change their minds you know.
And just because I'm this dating expert and I practice Law of Attraction, do you think I'm immune to the bullshit of living? I have been on a healing journey for quite some time, thought I cleared out my closets...

I was wrong. I still had a lot of crap in my closet and poor James got much of it dumped out on him. So all the times I wouldn't call him for days at a time, or I cursed him out for no reason, or I tried to hurt him because he unintentionally hurt me... Just bullshit.

So let me admit right now that yes, I know drama will come from outside. It's inevitable. But I refuse to let drama come from inside of me. I've been waffling this entire relationship. James said I've been trying to sabotage it from day one. (Remember the story of how we met and I almost didnt come out to meet him? READ IT HERE) That whole interaction was a sort of precursor to our story and the way it's been unfolding.

Personally, I'm tired of the ups and downs that my distrust in myself has caused. James has proven to me time and again that he is with me and not giving up. I really don't know why he is so adamant about keeping me. But I will say this. No matter what anyone says about him, I am standing by him. I know him. I love him and I'm going to keep him. I tried to break up with James again over the weekend. He asked me why and I told him because it's easier to do that than share my feelings. Its easier to lash out than to open up. UGH He refuses to stop loving me no matter what I do!

LOL I give up. I'm not fighting him anymore. He got me. Im his. Im tired of fighting him anyway. Im ready to settle down.

For those reading with the intention of trying to break us up:

You will be ignored and comments deleted. Nothing you write will get a rise out of me. If you are seriously trying to report an infidelity or cautioning me, you need to message me, or call me with proof. Empty statements and vague comments or threats and all that won't fly.

Bye Felicia or bye Felix. You lose.

his text to me after I tried breaking up with him

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Meeting The Parents

This past Saturday, I drove out to the country to meet James’ parents.

Finding the house wasn’t difficult, but it took me about 40 minutes to get there. There were some backroads, and honestly, when I found the neighborhood, I was reminded of camp grounds or something. That’s literally how rural it is! All farms, and lake houses, and stuff...

I nearly drove past the driveway leading to the house, but luckily I noticed a wooden sign with the family surname carved on it. Honestly, if I had driven there at night, I would have definitely missed the street, and driveway. There are ZERO streetlights out there.

I drove down a long, graveled driveway canopied by trees the whole way. It was a bumpy ride, and I couldn’t help but think about how I would NOT want to deal with snow out there. LOL

You know I was a little nervous, because I haven’t had to meet anyone’s parents since high school, but I was ready! I literally took HOURS to choose my outfit. I just had to impress but still be comfy enough to chill at the lake, and not worry about getting dirt on my clothes. I went with bohemian chic. (I think I was channeling Queen Dany from Game of Thrones) I had my hair in a messy side braid with a jeweled headpiece (necklace re-purposed). I wore feather earrings, and a brass collar necklace.
I wore a maxi skirt and a cotton tank top. I think I was dressed well to chill at the lake, but still be elegant. I really wanted my outfit to impress. (as usual)

Oh, I am getting ahead of myself. Ok, so James’ parents live on a lake. Yes, a lake. Their house is about 100 yards from the lake. James told me that he wanted to have our monthly date night at the lake, so dress appropriately. He wanted to take me out on his jet ski and stuff. I brought shorts along, but I never planned to get in the water, because the forecast called for thunderstorms.

Back to me inside the car... When I was five minutes out, I texted James how close I was, so when I parked, he was already waiting on the front steps of the house. He walked over to my car and opened my door. I was so happy to see him. But my nerves kept me chill. He helped me out, and walked me in. I went inside, hugged his mom, whom I had never met, then ran back outside. Why? I had forgotten my gift for them.

Yes, I know it’s old fashioned, but I was taught that when someone has you over, you bring a gift. His parents don’t drink, so the trusty bottle of wine wouldn’t suffice. I got them a nice easy plant that would work! I got them a Wandering Jew. It’s super easy to grow, and its a pretty purple!

Anyway, I came back into the house, apologized for abruptly running back out, and then properly greeted his parents, thanked them for having me and handed over the plant.

The house is small, but spacious. The main level was the living quarters, and the second level was a loft, where James’ father had made a mancave of sorts for himself, complete with pool table and surround sound. The deck wrapped the length of the house and that was where James was preparing my steak dinner. He had said that for date night, he was gonna prepare a steak dinner for me and then we would enjoy s’mores in front of a bonfire that he was going to light. It sounded so sweet. I was excited!

So after salutations were exchanged, I was invited by James’ father to chat. He got into a golf cart, and motioned for me to do the same. I had no problem walking to the lake. It was only like 100 yards away. But it was hilly, so I guess thats why they use a golf cart? Not sure. But anyway, we rode on down the beautiful lush green lawn to the lake and sat at a table.

When we were seated at the picnic table, James’ father offered me a Corona. Im not a beer drinker, so I gracefully declined. We both stared out at the lake. I remembered James told me his dad was a man of few words, so I started asking questions about the lake and the community. After about five minutes or so, James’ father called for his grandson to cart me back up to the house. I wasn’t sure whether I had passed any type of test or not, because he didn’t really ask me anything about myself. But the vibrations I was picking up were positive, so I just went with what I felt. Hopefully, I was right and he likes me.

After going back to the house, I found James’ mother sitting on the deck. I sat next to her and she offered me a cold beer. Again, I declined, and accepted a bottled water. James’ daughter came out and offered me a small box filled with assorted candy. At first, I declined but then she said there were Nerds in the box, so I HAD to take a box. I love Nerds.

I think his daughter is so cute, in a tomboyish way. Her hair was all wild and sandy reddish brown. She was so sweet too.

I sparked up conversation with James’ mom,  but again, she didn’t ask me much about myself, so I volunteered some basic information about my aspirations and stuff. It was strange to me that I wasn’t “grilled” so to speak. I thought maybe James had told them a lot about me, but I still expected some questions. His mom did tell me that James is very patient and that he cooks AND bakes. I said, “Ohhh I want him to bake me a cake!” She laughed and said he definitely would.

The day was coming along nicely. James was grilling, and I was chilling with his mom. I also met his nephew. Everyone was really kind, and loving. I felt at ease and welcomed.

It began to rain, so we all went inside. James served dinner. Steaks, corn on the cob and potato salad. We also had the brown n’ serve rolls. Unfortunately, the plans to jetski, and sit in front of the bonfire had to be ditched due to rain. So, instead we all played a fast-paced trivia game and then we played charades. His kids are so smart! I was impressed.

It began to get late, so I decided to leave. Before that, James took me to the garage and we talked in private a little. He asked me how I felt and stuff. I told him everyone is great and I look forward to getting to know everyone better. I just wasnt crazy about that drive out there! He said, he would ride me down, so no worries.

All in all, it was a relaxing day. I was probably so nervous for nothing. I really liked everyone. James' mother asked me if I liked the lake and stuff. I told her I did, and she told me that the house next door is for sale.... I'll take that as a good sign. A sign that they like me. But I need to ask James what they said about me to know for sure.

James Sings as Well as Nate Dogg...

April was so crazy! Full of emotional ups and downs. Mostly because of my hormones, I think. Either way, we survived. Well, James and our relationship survived...

I'm convinced that either I have PMS or I'm trying to sabotage this relationship. I mean, why else would I react so strongly to EVERY issue that arose? I understand my reaction to a few things, but I admit that I definitely overreacted to some minor offenses.

Both James and I did agree that every concern I bring up is legitimate, however every concern shouldn't warrant "serious relationship consideration." I told James I would be more mindful of my emotions when it's close to my visit from Aunt Flow. He kept quiet, which was wise! LOL

Boy it sure sucks to have PMS. I never suffered from it before, but I am 37 now. I guess it was inevitable that things are going to change within myself, and I gotta accept that. I'm gonna start working out again, though. I think my not working out is why my hormones may be off. And I know its a contributing factor to the aging process. I am definitely getting active again. Especially if I want to have a baby next year.

Anyway, I digress. But suffice it to say, James is all in and I am too. I have zero interest in any other man, and I have let the whole world know I'm COMPLETELY off the market.

James swears he never flirts, but Im not sure I buy that. I think he respects me and what we have, though. To keep the peace, he had accepted that I am flirtatious. It's who I am. Or was, because lately, I don't even want to flirt. I'm totally into James. That's sort of new for me. I mean, James is only the second man to gain my undivided attention. I don't even want other guys to be attracted to me. Lol I know this isn't a fleeting feeling either. I know it's true love.

(Flashback: Once an exboyfriend who was head over heels for me told me that if I got HIV/AIDS he would actually be relieved because at least he knew I would never leave him, and he didn't care whether he contracted said virus from me because he loved me that much. At the time, I couldn't even fathom feeling that much for anyone, to the point where I didn't care if they gave me a life-threatening disease. But now I can understand where my ex was coming from.)

I feel as though nothing can come between James and Me, and I look forward to our future together. I enjoy loving him, and I don't feel as though Im missing out on anything out there. I used to hate the idea of settling with one person, and part of me thought I would never settle down again. But here I am.

I know I've matured so much and I'm glad I grew up in time enough to enjoy this relationship. 

I'm doing things I would never do before. 

For instance, last night I was teasing James about him being a horrible singer. He told me that as long as it was a Nate Dogg or Usher song, he could sing it well. I told him to sing, "You Got it Bad." This man proceeds to sing to me, and it was so horrible! But he was just singing his heart out. I cant explain it to where you can picture it, but James with all 6 ft, 2 inches and 200+ pounds jumps on top of me (Im 5,2/ 113 lbs) and is singing and stuff. He is literally on top of me. I don't know how, but he didn't crush me. LOL

I told him that he cant sing very well. He told me that he used to sing in church and everyone liked it. I told him, that all churches encourage singers, good and bad. LOL He admitted that was true. Next, he suggested I sing. So I sang an Erykah Badu song. I closed my eyes and sung. He got quiet and the mood changed from playful to something more serious.

He started to really listen. The song was about loving someone unexpectedly. When I got through, James said I had a nice voice and that I can sing well.

Unbeknownst to him, I rarely sing in front of people. I used to sing, but that was back in my early twenties. Anyway, I told him that this moment was special to me, and I will always remember that night. It was one of those moments you know that you'll always regard with fondness.

I don't think it was significant to James because I mentioned it the following day, but he didn't hold the moment the way I did. LOL It meant a lot to me!

Anyway, James also told me that his mom wants to meet me. Im looking forward. Oh, and before I forget, James and I have been talking and have decided to build a business together. So excited!

Can't wait to keep sharing with you all.

New Territory: Valentines Day 2015 Was Everything!!

This is gonna be another long one, so grab your tea, coffee, or wine and get to reading!

You guys already know that I wasn't certain how well Valentine's Day would turn out for me.
James seemed nonchalant about the whole thing. In fact, he complained a bit about it and everything!

At first, I wasnt even going to celebrate the Day of Love at all. I was going to shut my mouth about what I wanted, but after speaking with a wise friend of mine, I decided to tell James how I felt.
 This was our FIRST Valentine's Day. It should be a great memory. Right? (Read Last Post)

RIGHT

The day started off same as any other Saturday.  James had to work the night before, so we didnt talk much. I was already feeling like I'd be disappointed, so I didnt even call him Friday. We texted a bit, but we didn't talk much. I was brooding. I was wondering why he hadn't even asked me about my schedule for Saturday. I was thinking how in the world can he possibly have anything planned if he doesnt know what my schedule would be? All he knew was that I had a few clients at the spa. But I hadn't told him what time I would be done. I was thinking that this was going to be a disappointment like most Valentine's Days throughout my lifetime.

I'm not going to say that Valentine's Day is the biggest thing to me, but I think when people love each other, then why not celebrate it? Im a romantic at heart, but being single all this time had me in denial about the way I truly feel about it. But being with a man like James, I feel so much for him, that I wanted the holiday to be special for us.

Anyway, as far as my mindset leading into the Valentine's Day weekend, I just didn't feel like talking. In my mind, James was all but against Valentine's Day.

OH HOW WRONG I WAS

Friday night James texted me asking me about my schedule. I ignored the text, because I was in my feelings. Saturday Morning, when I awoke, I answered that I wasnt sure when I would be done at the spa. I could not remember when my last appointment was, but I told James that since the spa closed at 5PM, that I would be done around that time. He told me to text him when I was finishing up.

Saturday morning I woke up refreshed. It was a new day and I was not going to let "perceived" issues ruin my day. Mindset is everything. Needless to say work was great! We were all booked up and I gained two new clients, plus I earned $60 in tips. I was feeling better about the day already. Things were starting off well.

Around 4:30, James texted me asking was I done working. I texted that I was going to be there longer than I expected, but would be leaving soon. I finished at work and then texted James that I would be leaving the spa. He called me about 15 minutes later, and told me he was at Mick's.

I immediately got a little excited. Mick's is where we had our first date nearly six months ago. But then it hit me that I was still in my scrubs, and I looked all grungy. After putting up a bit of a fuss, I reluctantly agreed to NOT stop home to change, and instead, head to Mick's. 

We talked on the phone as I drove to the restaurant. James asked me if I was hungry. I told him I could eat, but was the place crowded?  If so, we could take our meal to go. James assured me that the restaurant was not crowded, but it was up to me if we ate there or not. I was cool with it. (I love Mick's.)

I arrived at the sports bar, just as it started to flurry snow flakes. The wind was picking up too. I'm glad I was wearing thermals under my scrubs to keep warm!

I entered the restaurant scanning for James. Where was he sitting? You guessed it! At the table where we sat on our first date. I knew it was the same booth, but I didnt let on. I walked up and he greeted me so warmly. Big hug and kiss. The waitress was standing nearby and she was all smiles too.

After exchanging pleasantries, we both sat down. After complimenting me on looking so beautiful, James asks me whether or not I recognize where we were sitting. I said, "No." He said, "It's the same table we had on our first date."

I asked how he could know that. He replied, "This table had the outlet." I said, "Ohhh that's what's up."

Next, James took my hands into his and told me that he was happy to be here with me. The waitress came by, and we ordered our drinks. He said he would have had a drink for me, but wasnt sure when I was going to reach him. I said that it was ok. Im not a big drinker anyway.

I did order a fruity mixed drink though. We took our time ordering our meal. We were just conversing and talking about the only other time we were at Mick's six months ago, and how neither of us could have foreseen the way we have grown together.

The meal was delicious. I had steak and James ordered pasta with chicken. (Let me add that when the kitchen staff person brought out the food, she automatically tried to serve James with the steak! LOL)

James said he had contemplated bringing my gift to the restaurant, but decided against it. I told him that was a good idea. 

After dinner, James paid the check and walked me to my car. He asked me if I wanted him to stop off anywhere before getting to my place. I said I was cool, and didnt need anything. I drove home, with him behind me. He drives slow, so I kind of left him. But its not as though he doesnt know where I live!

I got home, and immediately regretted not expressing my Valentine's Day as I had originally planned. I thought about the way the evening was unfolding. James definitely put thought into the night and was taking this more serious than he had led me to believe! I WAS going to do much more than I had. But he was just acting so funny before, that I didnt even go all out the way I'd planned.

Im never making that mistake again. If I want to do something a certain way, Im going to do it. Regardless of whether I think James will put forth the same effort. Because at the end of the day, I am expressing MY love. And if my love truly is unconditional, why would I hold back?

Im telling you guys, I was going to buy him a card, and put his gift in a bag... I also had planned to play a sexy game for couples with him... But earlier in the week, when I went to buy the card and stuff, I just changed my mind. Right there in the aisle. I had taken 20 minutes to choose the perfect card. And what did I do? I put the card back, and left the store. I didnt know whether James would find value in a greeting card... You know? I didnt even know if he really wanted to do V-Day!

....Anyway lesson learned, and I will not do that again.

So, I was glad that I got to my house before James did. I was able to spruce myself up a bit and do a little something with the gift I had gotten him. I pulled out his gift, which is a silver flask with a cigar compartment. I got a gift bag and tissue paper ready and set it up in my closet, so he wouldnt see. I pulled out the little lovers' game too, and put it aside.

I was about to get into the shower, when I heard James at the door. I ran out to meet him and we hugged as though we weren't just together half an hour before. He said he had stopped by the store to get something he had forgotten. He told me to sit down because he wanted to give me my gift.

I was so excited. But I felt bad that I hadn't done more for him. Guys usually do get the short end of the stick on Valentine's Day... Oh well! LOL

I didnt sit down when he told me to. Instead I followed him around like a little girl anticipating my gift. I was right behind him, so when he turned around, he almost knocked me down. He didnt know I was behind him. But he caught me before I tipped over. He had a red rose in his hand. It was all skinny, so in my head, I was like, "Is this a real flower or one of those felt gas station ones?"

Turns out he was holding a wooden rose. He told me that the wooden rose represented his love for me, because it would never wilt and die. I said, "Awwwww," and gave him a hug and kiss.

He also was holding a red envelope. He gave it to me. I opened it and this was what I found:

Such a cute card. When I opened the card, this was inside:
A HANDWRITTEN LETTER!!  Mind officially blown. I haven't received a handwritten letter in ages.

Among other things, the letter said he was happy with the way we were growing as a couple and he felt like this relationship was one he always imagined for himself. As I read the letter, all I could think of was how happy James makes me. All the time. He and I are so much alike, that he always comes through for me without even knowing it. It isnt forced, or contrived. Best part is that he is genuine! I believe every word he wrote. I finished reading the letter and I told him I felt the same way. And I loved him too.

Next he pulled out a gift bag. It was silver and it had pastel colored tissue paper. I commented about loving the bag and color of the tissue paper. He said he didnt want to do the traditional red paper. I appreciated that!

I still wasn't sitting down. He was sitting though. He started telling me about the gifts waiting in the pretty bag to be discovered. Before I was allowed to reach in the bag, he began telling me about how he went about choosing gifts for me. He went to a Black-owned shop that sold all handmade items. He understands how important it is to me to patronize black owned businesses. He also knows how important skin care is to me.

Yup, he got me handmade soap and body butter and lip balm. He got me these shower bombs too. The shower bombs have a pomegranate fragrance. James was like, "Use this when you take a shower tonight!" I told him I couldnt wait to put that in the shower. I wasnt sure how to use them, but he told me the store owner said to just put them in the corner of the shower out of the stream of water. The steam would activate the fragrance release. I really liked it too! I used everything he bought me that night. He also got me a handmade scented candle from the same store too. I loved everything.

Each item was made from shea butter and was so aromatic! I loved it. I immediately burned the candle, and James placed the shower bomb in the shower.

I thanked James for everything. I genuinely loved each gift. The day was perfect. He said he was going to go back to the store and buy me more body butter and another candle.
Here is the shower bomb:

I took a shower and used the handmade goat milk oatmeal soap. I am a soap snob and will spend top dollar on a single bar of soap. James remembered that I liked goat milk soap. I was so touched.

I got everything I asked for, which was a thoughtful gift and he over-delivered! 

Here's the candle: 

It smells so good! James is gonna buy me another. He hit a home run for real. I was starting to think that maybe my gift wasnt really that good in comparison to what he got me. But I believed the flask was something he would appreciate.

It was my turn to give James his gift. I kept kicking myself for not getting the card. I wasnt even able to put James' gift in the gift bag because when he was at the door, I wasnt able to get into my closet to get the bag, so I just gave it to him in its black box. Luckily the black box was elegant looking in itself. But a gift bag would have been better.

I gave him his gift. He really liked it. He said that he actually wanted a flask too. So, I feel good about that. But I did apologize. He asked what I was apologizing about. I told him I apologize for not doing what I really wanted to do, and he deserved better.

He said that I always treat him so well. He is perfectly fine with me not going all out, but he understood what I meant. And he agreed that I shouldnt hold back next time. That I could trust him and he has my back.

In fact, he then asked me to be his Valentine next year.

I melted inside with that request. It was so sweet. I think the last of my defensive walls began to crumble down that night. James makes me feel loved and appreciated.

After our exchange of gifts, James opened a bottle of wine and poured us a drink. We made a toast to US, and then we played the game for lovers. Its one of those target games with different actions to perform on each other, where you throw the ball and wherever it lands, you do said action.

We really had a wonderful night. So fun and light. James is truly becoming a friend as well as a lover, and I am glad he found me.

I know that James didnt wisk me off to Paris and take me on a shopping spree, but what made this so special is that he listened to me. I've had great gifts on Valentine's Day before. Even super expensive ones, but this is the first Valentine's Day where everything happened just as I wanted. James gave me everything I asked for. He listens to me! Thats the best part. I love him.

I hope you all had a great Valentine's Day as well.
Thank you for reading and sharing! Comments are welcome.

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New Territory: Why Compete?

Why can't people pursuing a committed relationship just trust each other and bring their best? 

Why is it that two people who like each other enough to want to spend time and even fall in love, always find themselves in defense mode? 

We act as though expressing sentiment or vulnerability will make us appear weak. 

Why is that? 

I asked James as much. 

I said, "Couples should try to outdo one another, but not in a negative way. " 

I think that instead of trying to show the other person how little you can care about them, you should try to show how much you care! 

Couples should spend their time trying to make their partner feel loved. 

"Let's see who can make the other feel the most love! Let's compete that way!"

James said he thought that I had an excellent idea! 

What do you think?

New Territory: Recap Post Holiday Edition

Basically, this video is to catch you guys up on everything that's happened over the holiday. Its not extremely detailed, but you guys get the good nuggets!
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