The end of a chapter is upon us

Dont be mad, but Im ending this blog.

I know, I didnt even write about the holidays, or the time we almost broke up in December when James refused to go on the vacation I had planned. Yes, he made us miss our cruise! He ended up taking me to a beautiful Bed and Breakfast in the mountains to make up for it, but still, it was very shaky for us in December. We almost didnt make it.

I didnt tell you guys about me going to a therapist, because I flipped out on James, AGAIN over something small. I should have responded differently, but I tripped way out like that time in April.

I didnt blog about this past Valentine's Day either, which was EPIC by the way.

I just got caught up living life and enjoying the journey of love.

To end this blog, I want to share what I've learned from nearly five years of dating and blogging about it: I was very insecure. Not about my looks or anything superficial. I was insecure about my worthiness to be loved. I dont want to go into it too deeply, but from childhood, Ive been severely betrayed when it comes to love and reciprocation. So I guess deep down, I didnt believe someone would truly love me and STAY with me if I was myself. So I was always trying to be what I thought others wanted. Thats never good. LOL Its too easy to lose yourself.

With James, I finally let go of the facade. I truly gave him me. It didnt happen until our last blowup in December. (the one I never blogged about)

James threatened to leave me. For real. He felt like I was not totally vested, and that I might walk away at any time. He didnt feel I was solidly committed. He was tired of the emotional roller coaster I had him on. I had me on it too! LOL Shoot! The reason I was always so up and down, was because I was constantly on guard and trying to hide my true feelings from him. So of course I was emotional, and had him riding all sorts of ways.

Somehow he managed to keep his seatbelt on and survived the ride. Somehow I managed not to drive him batshit crazy. He kept up with me, and stayed safe every crazy turn, dip and dive.

The truth was that I loved him and wanted to be with him, but I thought that in order to keep him, I had to make him feel off balanced and afraid to lose me. (That works in the beginning to catch a man's attention, but that doesnt work long term!) I gave up the game and just started keeping it real. I started showing him that I love him, and I would miss him if he left. I told him I needed him and I began to show it.

In December I made him a promise. I told him that I would stop hiding myself and give him what he asked for. He said, he couldnt be happier to hear my words. All he ever wanted was for me to be happy. All he ever wanted was to put a smile on my face.

With everything I have been through, it was hard to believe what he said. It really sounded so good, but my heart was like, "Man, you better not let me get hurt again. Are you sure James means what he says?"

I can say that since meeting James in august of 2014, that he meant every word. I have finally stopped testing him (as much). Yes, testing him. Thats what all the rollercoaster riding meant. I was pushing and pushing him. Testing my limits. Testing his words, and sentiment. I showed out! He is still here.

He's asked me to marry him. I accepted. Despite everything, he still saw me. He trusts me around his children, which mean more to him than anything else in the world. That's a big deal to me, and I work hard to show him that he made the right decision.

I still struggle with things, but we talk everything through. Sometimes we still fight, but we never try to hurt each other, and that's a blessing. We do keep it real with each other, and that can hurt. But we just keep getting better. Every trial we have makes us stronger and deepens our resolve to be successful.

I am learning so much about how to get along with others, just by working on myself to be a better partner to James. And eventually a stepmom to his children.

This relationship has allowed me to grow, and become a better person. A more mature woman.

I am ready to begin this new journey.

Thank you for being a part of it. The new Blog will be titled: "Shes Getting Married...Again"

Tune in!

Summer Fun in a Philadelphia Treehouse

Entry to the Tree House in Logan

I told you all in my previous post that I was going to Philly, and was going to have James come along. I had to take my father back home, plus I was invited to a BBQ. The cookout was thrown by a facebook friend and many other facebookers that I had gotten to know over the year would be there too. I was excited to finally meet these people in REAL LIFE.

My best friend and other close friends would also be at the party, so I just HAD to take James. I really wanted James to meet my friends that I've known for so many years.

The day began pretty well, and although we hit a lot of traffic, it was a pleasant ride. James drove. I was making Instagram videos and stuff. My dad was oblivious to being recorded. Hahahahaaa

Just getting into the city

We were required by the party thrower to bring a bottle and/or a bag of school supplies to donate to a local school. We opted to bring both a bottle and a bag of school supplies. We got there to the Treehouse very early. It was actually not far from my first apartment that I had while a sophomore in college. Once we got to the Treehouse, we found a spot on the deck couch and stayed nearly the ENTIRE NIGHT. Reason being is we started drinking early, and drank throughout the evening. We knew we had a fairly long drive home, so we just took our time and got comfortable on the Treehouse deck.

James was so impressed about the Treehouse and how well constructed it was, that the first hour he was looking at it, and dismantaling/reassembling it in his head. He was comparing it to things he'd built, but kept saying how impressed he was. He wants to build something similar when we get our own land.

The Treehouse was awesome! Complete with a bar and comfy seats, and a projector style movie viewing area. There was an outhouse as well. But it had running hot and cold water and a working toilet with a nice vanity mirror. The setup was NICE.

The Tree House is AWESOME

I am so glad that James' first experience in the "hood" was a positive one. And it was grown and sexy. Great example of how we do it up in the city. There werent any fights either. The drunk people were funny too! One guy was so wasted he didnt know whether he was coming or going. I had three drinks, but sipped them slowly and I ate food too, so I didnt get really drunk, or sick. The night was wonderful. It wasnt too hot or cold and the atmosphere was so positive. We plan to attend the Treehouse party every year. James insists!

Let me back up a little for you guys. Okay, so many of the people at the cookout were from a small facebook group of which I used to be a member. Between my posts about James on FB and my blog, many people were coming up to James and telling him they feel like they already knew him and they were congratulating us on being engaged... James was a little overwhelmed. He was just kind of staring at people as they shook his hand, and nodded his head with a smile. I felt like he may have been embarrassed, so when things quieted down I asked him how he felt.

In our own bubble

"Are you okay with people congratulating us on our engagement?"

James said, "Yes, if you are not feeling awkward about not having a ring."

I said, "Im ok with it. I mean, we did set a date, although you didnt formerly propose. Doesnt that mean we are engaged?"

"Yeah, I guess it does, he said.  "Im good with that. You?"

I nodded emphatically, "Yes."

So that was that. I know it might be weird for you guys to understand. I mean, how could we just become engaged all of a sudden?  Well, last week when James was saying he saw us married with a baby in the next 12 months, that kind of got the ball rolling. I teased him yesterday about that too. I said, "You think you're slick proposing to me in a roundabout way and making me go from unsure to wanting you to pop the question ASAP."

He looked at me and said, "No I didn't. I really didn't intend on proposing, but I can definitely see us married in a year."

I said, "Whatever."

My BFF, Kim

Then I asked him was he going to be involved, or did he just need a place and time to show up.

He said he was planning this with me and wanted to be involved. That makes me happy.

I asked him if he thinks we can pull this off, and he said if we get started planning now, we can.

So, I guess Im engaged and planning a wedding?

Yes, I am engaged and planning a wedding.

Its all love

**SCREAMS**
During the BBQ, James and I were in our own little world. We waited for my friend Kim to come through and when she did, we really got the party going! I even gave James and Kim some alone time so they could have their own little heart to heart. I hope he asked her what a good birthday gift would be! (AHEM bday in October)

On the way home from Philly, I told James I was scared, and maybe we should wait until 2017. He looked at me and said, "I was hoping you wouldnt say that."

I always get cold feet. I looked at him and said, "You're right. Im sorry. Im not backing down. Let's plan this thing out."

So, that is where I am now. Not sure about anything except the fact that Im going to marry a man who has come to be one of my best friends.

As we drove home we just held hands and sighed a lot. I keep thinking that maybe this is a dream. How could a man think and say the things James does and really truly mean them? Is he for real?

I told him he is my angel. He really is.

That made me think of a good theme for the wedding. I said, "Let's make our theme something about being a match made in heaven." James said, "How about, A wish on a shooting star came true."

I liked it. I told him I loved it. I hugged him. We just chilled after that for the rest of the night. We didnt talk that much on the rest of the way home. I thought James could use a rest, so we stopped at a rest stop. He wanted to continue driving, but I told him that I noticed his drifting to the side of the road and I thought it best to rest. He didnt argue. He said, "See, I listen to you. And I am tired."

I just smiled. He slept and I stayed awake with my thoughts. So much planning to do. Do we have the money to pull it off how I WANT? How can I save enough to have my dream wedding? What exactly IS my dream wedding?

Lots of questions to be answered and lots of plans to be made. All I know is, I am happy and excited. Guess I'd better tell my family. Gotta start researching....

There are a bunch of wedding sites out there. I will most likely personalize one soon. So stay tuned for that.

Might even have to pass this blog along in the near future. Or at least change it to reflect my dating status...

The TreeHouse was popping like a club! LOL

Follow us on Persicope @J_Shaahn

Is she still dating? I DON’T THINK SO

Me driving to the TreeHouse

Hello to our readers and followers.  I know I missed last week’s blog entry, and was disciplined accordingly ;-) …. I will try not let it happen again.  I don’t know though, I kinda liked the punishment, LOL…

Sha’ahn and I were talking, and she mentioned changing the title of the blog, so the other day, I was thinking to myself, “Does she still consider this dating? Hmmm…” Oh, and Sha’ahn does not know that I have been thinking about the title, but she DOES NOW!!" 

As you should know, she mentioned not being on the same page pertaining to marriage and having a baby, but more on the baby side, which is ok, because we both already have kids/a kid.  Plus with what we want to get accomplished in the next few years, it would be harder, but I was still ok with that challenge.  I think she was thinking of the possible challenges, but my point to her was that previously she seemed so gung-ho about the idea. 

Ladies DO NOT communicate emotionally!! 

Sha’ahn is my soulmate, so I believe we can and will work through anything we may encounter, but our miscommunication made me curious, and now I have a question to ask you all. (And would love some real feedback.) 

Is there a step or category between dating and being engaged?  Let me know…

Now, back to us... So, are we talking marriage here, YES!!!  I love and enjoy her way too much to let her get away. I will go as far to say I love her more than any woman I’ve been with before, and it keeps getting deeper and deeper. 

This past weekend Sha’ahn invited me to ride to Philly with her to take her father home and to a friend's cookout. Not sure if Sha’ahn ever blogged about the first time she invited me to Philly, and I did not go.  She was a little mad, and later said that she would not invite me anywhere anymore, but that was in the beginning of the 2^nd quarter, lol… 

We rolled out Saturday afternoon about 1:00. I had to totally bite my tongue and not speak about the departure time. I am a logistics person, and would have loved to have left at 6am to avoid traffic.  But it was cool, we had a little traffic, but not too bad.  Our first stop was her dad’s house. After leaving there, we drove through her neighborhood she grew up in. Love the city, but way different from where I grew up.  But I love getting deeper into knowing her and how she became who she is today.  She showed me the school she went to, the yard where she beat some girls ass, and where she had her first kiss. I would love to take her back to that same spot one day in our old age and kiss her myself.

Not sure if she realized it or not, but I enjoyed her showing me all this.  Like I said, I love getting closer….

After the short tour, we rolled over to her friends cookout.  Just a little background: almost all of the people at the cookout Sha’ahn had never met in person prior to that day.  She used to be a member of this private FB group of people pretty much from Philly, but her best friend from childhood is still a member.  Her best friend and I have spoken several times on the phone but never met. That was another part of the trip I was really looking forward to, meeting her homegirl.  So, Sha’ahn had told me (while she was in the group) different stories of dudes flirting or coming at her out of this group when she was in it. 

You can probably imagine my mindset. You know I am going somewhere with her, where I know NO-one, not even from online, but she does, and knows dudes that are attracted to her will be there.  But it was ok because I love a challenge. Maybe I shouldn’t say a challenge, but my knowing that other men already have disclosed that they are interested could be a little sticky. Let me put your excitement to rest, there were no issues or incidents, LOL. I met a lot of guys who may have been smiling in my face, but were truly hating, but I LOVE IT!  Conversely, I met some cool dudes too. 

Just like with the guys, there were women that I met that may or may not have been hating on Sha’ahn.  

OH, without going into deep description, the house where the cookout was held, was set up to another level! It was almost as if we were at an outdoor restaurant/bar.  Very, VERY unique, you would have to see it….  We stayed for like 6 hours.  I met her best friend, we laughed, had some drinks, great food, and an unforgettable time.  OH, and a lot of pictures.  Actually pictures I never even knew were taken, LOL… I felt like because Sha’ahn is so public with social media, we were in the spotlight.  People were posting different comments about us and congratulations on the engagement.  It was all very foreign to me, but I’m cool with it.   We drove back around 1am, and laid around the house all Sunday, which was very enjoyable too;-)  I AM READY FOR THE NEXT ROAD TRIP!!

Every man dies, not every man really lives.- Braveheart

With Sha’ahn I truly feel like I’m living….

Thanks for reading, check us out ANY & EVERYWHERE

-JJJ

One Year In, What I Learned

I don't know why I feel so much pressure to do something BIG to commemorate our first anniversary. I just do.

It was hard at the time to change my status, but now Im proud to be 'taken"

I thought about making a picture collage and a video compilation highlighting our milestones. As I thought about it, I realized that I kept you guys abreast of nearly every major occurrence in our blossoming relationship. This post will be a lookback, but Im not sure it'll be "compilation" style.
I'll do my best to recap, but if you feel like you may have missed out on a post, simply check the right side of the blog. There you will find the most popular posts (by number of views). That's a great place to start because some of the posts are very old, and it will give you an idea of how far I have come if you count before James, and now who I am after him.

I was looking at my Instagram and noticed plenty of short videos. I think I will try to compile them into a longer video for YouTube and post later this week. Our actual anniversary is Aug 20.

Time really does fly. I have changed so much in this year. Definitely have matured a lot. I think James has matured too.

Okay, so what have I learned so far on my journey? Here goes my thoughts, in no particular order:

I like being vulnerable. I didnt think I would like it, but I relish not being "super." For some reason, I had made up my mind that in order to succeed, I would have to be super Sha'ahn, who needs no help with anything. Of course I needed help from others, but it was just not in me to ask. I've since learned that asking for help doesnt show weakness, it shows strength. James is never afraid to ask for help when he needs it. I don't even mean money. But he helps others whenever he can, and in return, people are there for him when he needs help. It's good to be part of a community, and not be an island. My being an island almost killed this relationship.

James is an alien.

This man has a heart of gold. As he mentioned in his last post, he came out of a very nasty divorce situation that would have killed the hope of love in any NORMAL human being. I won't get into it, because he should be the one to divulge, but let me tell you, I personally, couldnt and probably would never do the things he has done since the divorce. He really has a huge forgiving heart, and he is showing just what true selflessness is. He puts the needs of his children first despite EVERYTHING. I admire that and I feel like Ive met a very decent man. I think Im blessed and lucky to have a man love me who is capable of so much patience and peace in the midst of a lot of b.s.

Sometimes I even get angry when he tells me things about what he is doing concerning his ex. Not because he is doing it, but because I never would, if I was in his place. And I get mad at myself because I should be able to be forgiving too and not hold grudges. This man does not hold a grudge. Have you ever met someone like that? If you have, arent they rare? I swear they must be aliens. Or maybe they really have a divine love inside of them. Being with James has given me a glimpse of what our heavenly father's love must be like for us humans. Depsite all we do, He loves us anyway. He doesnt treat us poorly just because we treat him bad. I see that in James.

A person's upbringing does make a difference.

You know how back in the days a person's family name and background played a major role in courtship and dating/marriages. Of course people occasionally broke away from those traditions and married someone of a different social standing or background, but for the most part, it was encouraged to look for a mate with a "good and traditional" upbringing. Well, I've dated numerous men with varying backgrounds. I might sound old fashioned, but I do see the differences in the men who came from stable households and the ones who didn't. Just as James had to deal with certain aspects of my personality that stemmed from my being a child of divorce, and a divorcee' myself, I reaped the benefits of his stable childhood experience.

early in the relationship James was heavier

Both our families are working class, but his family is more business and entrepreneurial minded, which casts a whole different color on life and work and relationships. Being with him and seeing a strong black family unit, made of business owners and people who keep money in the black community is so refreshing. At first I didn't even know how to process things. When he would talk about work, (earlier in our relationship) I just assumed he worked for a white person. Not only did he work for a black man, but he works with his family owned companies! That is a dream come true for me. I believe black money should stay in black hands until things are more balanced economically in this country. James doesnt parade around shouting "black pride, black power," but he LIVES it. And not only that, but he is not satisfied just working for family, he prefers to work for himself and has owned his own business in the past. He says I inspired him to pursue another business venture, but I think it was in him all along. Maybe I was a catalyst that helped him attract it sooner than later, but I know he would be a success anyway.

Confidence is super sexy.

James was going through a transitional period when I met him. He doesnt drive a fancy car or own a big house. He was primary custodial parent to three children... He was definitely different than any man I've even met or dated seriously. I saw his heart though. He loves his kids, he would do anything for them, but at the same time, he isnt a pushover or easily manipulated. He is confident in his decisions and that is more of a turnon, than the things that I guess normally would have turned me off. He never has asked me to help with his kids or anything! That says a lot. Im not sure if I could go a whole year and never ask my boyfriend to help out with my kids. I do have one child, and I remember I was asking my ex-boyfriend to help out with money or picking my son up from school a few times. (Before a year into the relationship) James has always managed to work things out on his own all the while taking care of me. That is really sexy.

Cheap can be sexy too...

He's frugal, and that irritated me in the beginning. After getting to know him, I realized that James will spend money of something of quality, but if he can get a bargain, he will! Case in point, was last weekend he brought me a towel warmer. He told me he had been hunting on Craigslist for months! He got one that was nearly new and only used twice. It cost him $25! He is extremely resourceful and knowledgeable about pretty much everything. How could I NOT love this man? LOL

Getting What You Asked For is WONDERFUL

You know that saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." Well, I got what I have ALWAYS wished for in a man. Some things I forgot I even wanted because I probably didnt believe I would get a man like that. hahahahaha well, I did get what I wanted, and I am so happy. I am grateful and I show James every chance I get. He is caring, loving, smart, HANDSOME, great in bed, educated, confident, resourceful, takes care of his parents, selfless, considerate, hardworking, faithful... The list goes on. He is not rich, but he has the mindset to become wealthy and he is smart enough to sustain it. I think with my help/partnership he will be untouchable. We make an awesome team.

This year has been amazing. James has softened my heart and it belongs to him. The other night when we were on the phone, he mentioned marriage again. I told him he already knows what my answer will be when he asks.

See? PDA

I have never been so sure of my feelings for a man ever. I have involuntary blinders on. That is something I never thought would happen. Kind of thought I'd be a "player for life." Even the relationships where I was faithful, it was a challenge. I just loved attention that much. Now I only want attention from one man, and it feels pretty good. Especially because I know he only wants attention from me.

We share so much in common. We both enjoy a good laugh but can debate a serious topic with the quickness! Both of us are a little surprised at how passionate we still are about each other and the fact that we are still super hot for each other too. It NEVER gets old with us. We are like teenagers. We laugh a lot. I trust James with everything in me. He has proven that he is worth my time and deserves my loyalty. I can tell him secrets that he wont hold against me too. He is my friend. That is so important to me. I have told James some crazy things, but he's still here.

He loves me. No explanation needed there, right? He told me when he met me that I would be his. Guess what? He was right. He also said early on that his goal was to make me feel more loved than I ever have before, and he is holding up his end! AHHHHHHHH LOVE IT

He is handy at fixing just about anything. (Sexy and saves me money on car maintenance and other things about the house)

And he is so handsome... Sheesh Total package right here. Im so lucky he chose me. Yup! I said it. LOL

He wants to be involved with my life.
At first the blog sharing thing rubbed me the wrong way. Now I look forward to James' entries. He is talented and eager to share his feelings about me. What dude does that? I had to shut up and let him do his thing. I think his posts are refreshing for the blog, and its a good thing to have insight from a male perspective on relationships. He isnt pushy, but he always lets me know that he is here to help in any way he can.

I like being all lovey dovey and mushy with PDA!
It's crazy, but I was the type to not friend my man on FB nor would I change my relationship status on FB. That all changed with James.  Oh, and BTW, James is not a shy person at all. He is expressive and stuff too. I used to think he was phony and just gassin' me up, but he is genuine. He likes to hold my hand when we are out and is always kissing me and hugging me or picking me up. It doesnt matter where we are! I like that.  He makes me feel beautiful all the time too. He notices everything I do, whether its a change in hairstyle or makeup. He compliments me and notices what I do. I never feel like I need to be "more" anything with him. Just want to be a more loving woman.

He appreciates me, and what I bring to the table.
My intellect, my life experiences and business mind fascinates James. He says Im one of the most interesting people he knows. Most men are intimidated by my experiences and travels. Some were even turned off by the car I drive, thinking it made me high maintenance. But James appreciates all that. He listens to me and asks my opinion on things before making a move. He values my mind. That is hard to find with some men.

He does not come with drama! (no explanation needed there)

He cooks for me.

He rarely complains.

He is extremely masculine, but not stupidly macho (SWOON)

He never says anything he does not mean. (THANK YAH) Nothing like a man who is reliable.

I don't have to worry about him cheating (So relieved!)

He forces me to evaluate myself.
As I mentioned above, I can be petty and unforgiving. James isnt like that. He helps me see my own faults (Not by preaching or chastising me, but by his actions that I witness.) and actually inspires me to change for the better. I never boasted about having patience, but being with James has taught me to have some. His family and business comes first, so Ive had to grow patience. It wasnt easy but I get the overall picture, and I believe James is worth my efforts.

To sum it up, Ive learned that all I needed was for someone to truly love me. Love is powerful you guys. I pray each and every person reading this experiences true love for themselves. Although I have been married before, I have to say that what I had in the past was not love. It was NOTHING like what I have with James. I wasnt giving love nor was I given true love. He keeps me balanced.

After a year with James, I now understand that fact.

I think this pic sums us up something proper