Entry twelve: Nothing goin on but the rent

It's been an uneventful last two months. I haven't met anyone new, nor have I gone on any dates. I'm officially in a self-imposed dating draught in order to focus on my career.

However, Im always down to help those who need a laugh, or common sense advice to this crazy dating game.

Hit me on WizPert! The button's right here. (and to your left as well!)

Entry eleven: no updates

Sorry that I havent posted in a month. I have just been so busy grinding that I havent had any dates. March should prove better though.

Remember, I still have to cash in my Groupon Speed dating certificate.


Until next date,

Peace!

entry ten: what's weed got to do with it?

So, I met this Indian guy, named V, on one of those dating sites that advertises all over television. And every time I see those ads I think, "that did not happen in my case!"

Anyway, V lived near me and he is a dentist. He seemed cool over email, and eventually the phone. He was a year older than me. Pretty good looking, and had a fun-loving spirit not unlike my own. We talked about the places we traveled to and how it would be cool to maybe one day travel together to a place neither of us had been. We kept the conversations short for the most part, but we texted a lot. It was difficult for us to meet due to my schedule, but eventually we were able to meet up for a few minutes between my appointments.

Upon arriving at the donut shop near my home and his dental office, I checked out his ride, and I liked it. Not too flashy. When he stepped out of the car, I immediately noticed how short he was. I think he gave himself about two or three inches on the website, but he was still taller than me, so I didnt really mind that. He had an awesome smile, and his clothes were neat.

He walked up and gave me a hug. Unfortunately, he had that "pits smell." Call me whatever name you want to for the statement I'm about to make, but he smelled like many foreigners do who do NOT wear deodorant. I don't understand why people from overseas don't use deodorant. If it's the whole aluminum causes cancer thing, then there are natural alternatives out there. I, in fact, use Alba deodorant. I've used Tom's of Maine as well. Both work! And there's no risk of cancer, or offending other people's noses. (0_o)

He wasn't reeking, so it was tolerable, but I kept my distance.

So, the conversation was okay, but things started going downhill once I noticed he was all up in my mouth. I said, "Hey V, I know you're a dentist and all, but stop staring at my fangs!"
He laughed and said, "I can't help it. It's what I do. So, who's your dentist?"

I told him. He said, "I don't know him. Where is he? Is he located in your county?" I said that he was, and I asked if V was jealous. V said that he was. I thought that was cute. I also wondered if I started dating him would that mean FREE dental work. 'Cuz I needed something done that's quite expensive.

I never got the chance to find out because shortly after the dentist part of the conversation, V begins pressuring me to come to his house. I said, "We just met, we can't do that yet," in my best impression of Salt n Pepa. He said, "Why not, we don't live far from each other, and it would save money. I could cook for you, or we can order out."

CHEAP BASTARD

I said, "I'd rather have dinner and get to know you better by hanging out with you and all, but at places like a museum or something. Not your house!"

He sighed and said, "Well, do you have any weed?"

I said, "No. Should I?"

He said, "No worries, I have some. But if we smoke, you have to come over my house, because I'm no more good after I smoke." I was shocked silent. I sputtered, "Wait, what? I just told you that I wasn't comfortable hanging out at your house. Why would I change my mind to smoke weed? Like, man, I don't really even know you."

He was like, "Awww come on, lighten up."

I was like, "I gotta go."

He said, "Okay then. When will I see you again? It's so hard to catch up with you."

I said, "I don't know, cuz I'm super busy."

And I was outta there. He texted me a lot after that trying to hook back up. But I always had a lame excuse. He eventually gave up.

That whole exchange was confusing.

A date that lasted four years: Part One -- You don't speak english? that's okay, Love is a universal language...

K and I during one of my visits

A few years ago, when I vacationed in the Dominican Republic, I met a super cute guy working at the resort. I stayed for a week, but didn't get the nerve to speak to the guy until the last day I was there.

I mustered up some nerve, and walked over to where he was standing. I looked him straight in his pretty brown eyes and said, "Hi, my name is Sha'ahn. I noticed that you were checking me out all week. I was checking you out too, but I wanted to tell you that I am leaving tomorrow, so I at least wanted to say hi before I left."

He smiled. I smile.

I said, "Well, I know it's pretty bold of me to come over, but I just didn't want to leave before saying something."

He laughed.

I laughed, confused. Did I say something funny? Maybe this was a mistake.

Then he looked at me for a moment and said, "Wait right here."

I was confused. "Okay."

In a minute or two, he returns to where he left me standing, but was now accompanied by this tall Haitian guy dressed in a chef's uniform. The chef said, "Hi, he doesn't speak English, and wants to know what you just said."

I laughed, "What? Well, I guess it doesn't matter, but I told him that I noticed him looking at me all week, and since Im leaving tomorrow I just wanted to tell him goodbye."

The chef translates what I just said to Mr-No-English, who upon hearing my words lit up. He rapidly spoke to the chef in Spanish. The chef turns to me and says, "He told me to tell you his name is K and he thinks youre very pretty. He would like to exchange number with you."

I couldnt help but laugh. "Ummm, he speaks no English, and my Spanish is terrible. How does he suppose we talk? I mean, this ain't gonna work."

The chef translates again, and K gets all animated during his next reply, which was, "My sister speaks English and I can have her translate for me."

I thought to myself that this was ridiculous, but what the hell? I've done crazier things, and besides, I would love to come back to the island one day.

So, we exchanged numbers.

The rest of the story, which takes place over four years I will relay to you on this blog in later posts.

Entry nine: The Nigerian Marine

Egusi Soup

When I was on active duty, I liked to go to the Enlisted Club on the base from time to time for Happy Hour. One day, I went to a "wet down" to celebrate one of my fellow NCO's promotion. During a wet down, the person who got promoted buys drinks for friends that total up to the amount of increase in pay. (In layman's terms, I was getting free drinks)

At that time, my drink of choice was vodka and pineapple. I was having such a good time too. I didn't notice how late it was getting, but I did know that I needed to take a break on the drinks and find myself a dark corner to sober up in before attempting to drive home. How did I know that? Well it wasn't because I was super smart. It was because I nearly had gotten kicked out for dancing too raunchy while still in my uniform. And before you judge me, let me tell you that it was NOT my fault. I was dancing NORMALLY with this Marine, and he got the dumb idea to pick me up. He picked me up by grabbing my legs, so I was like sticking straight up in the air, like he was about to pile drive me. The bartender, who was married to a Marine, shouted over to us, "You should know better than that. Dammit, you're still in uniform, and should be acting like a lady." I was so embarrassed. You see, the Marine who picked me up without my permission was dressed in civilian clothes, so he wasn't held accountable. That really helped to blow my high, and so that's how I ended up leaving the bar, and the dance floor section of the E-Club.

Anyway, as I was sitting at a table, chatting with a girlfriend of mine, this guy walks up. He was a Marine who worked in transportation. I had never seen him before, but my girlfriend had, and she whispered to me that he worked in Motor-T. I said okay, but I wasn't interested. I was still brooding about what had happened twenty minutes earlier and was plotting my revenge on the fool who had gotten me shouted down.

The Marine who had approached our table stood there waiting for permission to sit. He was irritating me by standing there, so I said in the stankest voice I could muster, "Yes, can we help you?"

He smiled. I noted that he had a great smile, and I kind of softened up a little. I gave him the once-over. Tall, lean, dark skinned with almond-shaped eyes. He was attractive and that uniform was fitting! I noticed that he still hadn't said anything. I said, "Yes?"

He said, "I was looking at you for a minute, and decided to come over. My name is E." I said, "Okay," and shrugged as if I didn't care.

My girlfriend made her exit at that point.

I gestured for E to sit down. Now this is where it goes downhill. This man had the nerve to say (and yes, he had a Nigerian accent) "I am looking for a wife."

I was dumbfounded. I mean, who does that? I didn't say a word. He continued, "So, how old are you?"

I stuttered, "You're looking for a wife? You don't think it should be me, do you?"

He laughed and said, "Well, tell me how old you are, and I will tell you whether or not I think that should be you."

I told him how old I was, and he said, "We are the same age, you should let me take you out. What's your number?"

I said, "Are you serious, or are you just trying to make me laugh?" He said that he was serious, and then he told me more about himself, where he was from, how long he had been a Marine and all that. I was tuning him out though, because I wasn't past the WIFE thing.

I said, "oh, okay," as if I had been listening to him. I said, "Hey, umm, E. You really shouldn't tell a girl that you're looking for a wife in the first three minutes of meeting her. Because even if she's looking for a husband, you'll scare her away."

Again, he chuckled, and said, "Well, I like to get that out of the way as soon as possible so they know."

I guess I couldn't argue with that, so I gave him my phone number.

We went out a couple times, and he cooked for me. He said his mother would not like to hear about that, because in Nigerian culture, its a woman's place to be in the kitchen. But he told me that his true passion was cooking and he loved to do it. I enjoyed his food, and I that was how I got introduced to Nigerian culture, including Nollywood movies! I live for those films now.

Things didn't work out for me and E, because it turned out that he had a wife back in Africa. He swears that they were divorcing, but I didn't care to get in trouble with my command for dating a married Marine. It wasn't worth my career, but our few dates were nice, and he was fun to talk to on the phone. And I learned a few things, one of which is that I love Nigerian food. All Nigerian men aren't chauvinists, and some are even great cooks. YUM! I also learned to imitate a mean Nigerian accent. So, there wasn't any wasted time in my eyes.

Entry two: Can't get him out of my head

me and my girlfriend. thats me in purple

So, A few weeks ago I went to this invitation-only, VIP-only event that a celebrity was throwing to promote his new website. I knew it was gonna be a good night because for starters, I was with one of my homegirls with whom I ALWAYS have a great time. Second, I got a parking spot right in front of the venue; third, we were first in line and our names WERE on the list (as they should have been, since we RSVP'd, but you know how that stuff can be...) It was also unseasonably warm for early November so I didnt have to check my coat.

We go inside, and I must say that the club was NICE. Super clean, and modern. A really classy spot. Intimate, yet open enough to not feel like youre standing on top of people. So, I find out after attempting to pay the bartender that the bar was open all night. Im thinking, "Can this night get any better?" At that moment, I spy HIM. This guy who I assumed was working the event, because despite the "dress code" the invitation said would be strictly observed, he was wearing jeans and Nikes. He had his hair cut in an old school type fade that was all curly. I figured he was Hispanic, with his caramel colored skin and curly hair. I pegged him as an islander - maybe Dominican, or even Crucian.

Turns out, he was neither, but Im jumping ahead of myself. Let me backtrack.

Okay, so Im thinking this man is fine. A little on the short side, but Im only 5,3 and I was rocking 6-inch heels and he was still a tiny bit taller, so that works for me. I give him 5,9 or 5,10. Anyway, he was so good looking to me, that I was actually intimidated. I was afraid to talk to him. (Haha ha, just like in high school) So what did I do? The same thing I did in high school, got my girlfriend to speak to him for me!

I was anxious as hell for her to get back to the spot we had claimed near the bar, and as soon as she did, I was practically shouting, "Well, what'd you say? What'd he say? Tell me!!!!" She looked down at me (she's super tall) and said, "All I said was, when you come back this way, stop over here," and gestured to the area where we were standing. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Why hadnt she said something to the effect of, "My girl has the hots for you?" I guess that would be too elementary, but whatever, at least he'd know why he was summoned back over.

So fast forward three drinks and an hour later. We had forgotten about the "come back" request because the celeb host had shown up and the place got packed. We took pictures with said celeb and danced a bit before migrating over to a section where VIP tables hadnt been sold yet and sat down to chill.

Mind you, throughout the night, I had spotted cutie pie here and there, but he seemed busy and in addition to that, he was always with this chick. So, I was trying to figure out whether they were working together, or seeing each other. Their body language didnt convey anything romantic, but the fact that they were together all night made me apprehensive. I relayed my feelings to my girl and she said that there was only one way to find out, which would be to talk to him.

AGGHHHHHH I can't do that. No. no way. Okay, yes I could. I had been drinking some good stuff and I had LIQUID COURAGE flowing through my veins. I vowed that the next time I spotted that "Spanish Terrence Howard" cutie that I would say something.

It happened. I saw him near the elastic barrier cordoning off the tables from the rest of the party-goers. I was on one side and he was on the other. I think I was staring at him so hard that he felt it and turned to look in my direction. I didnt know what else to do, so I waved. He gave me the "come here" finger, so I approached. I stepped around the barrier and immediately spouted off two questions.

"You got a girl? Are you married?" To both, he replied, "No." I didnt really believe him, but I wanted to, so I grabbed his hand (ring finger of left hand to be exact) and said, "Are you sure?" and he said, "I know you dont know me, to know whether or not im a good guy, but I do not have a girlfriend or a wife. Im not that type of guy." (Or something like that. Forgive me, but i was inebriated, Okay??)

I smiled and said, ok. Anyway, I say, okay, then whats your number? And I hand him my phone. He said, "You're a go-getter arent you? You go after what you want?" I said, "Yup!" and then he puts in his first and last name, and even shoots me an email. I dont remember him doing all of this, but he must have because I noticed later that I responded to an email at 249 a.m. (the next day after I woke up.) The email was a one liner, but that was cool with me. We danced, exchanged a little more information, and I learned that he was not Hispanic, that he lived on the West Coast and that he was working the event as a film maker. I was like, cool! I love artists. And he's FINE! He was a good dancer and I liked that he was respectful. He wasnt drinking either, which was cool. Showed his professionalism.

We got separated for a bit, and when we linked back up, it was nearly time to go. So, I sat him down (I think. This part is foggy.) I was sad that he lived so far away and I said as much to him. He told me not to worry. That things had a way of working themselves out, and we'd see each other again. I felt encouraged by that, but I still doubted it, so I took the mint out of my mouth and put it in his. In hindsight he probably thought I was trying to tell him he had bad breath, which he didnt... I was just tired of eating that mint and I didnt have a napkin to place it in, so I put it in his mouth. I dunno why I did that. I blame the alcohol.

After that, I kissed him. I think like three times. Nothing lewd, or slutty. Just some pecks, but I managed to nick his bottom lip really fast. Im a nibbler/kisser. And then I said I was leaving. He said he was too, and that was that. Im sure I said some other stupid stuff, but I guess I didnt say anything too offensive because he did text me the next day. Just asked me how I was feeling and did I regret anything.

I told him I didnt regret kissing him if thats what he was referring to. And I only regretted missing some texts that he sent looking for me in the club.

After that, I didnt hear much. I was super disappointed. I texted him a few more times ensuring i waited a few days between. He responded, but not like someone who was trying to make any type of connection. I got a little pushy and texted him some more. Just little stuff like, "Hi. Have a good day." He replied to some, and not others. I wasnt used to no response. Im used to guys texting me and ME not responding. This was different and unsettling. I couldnt get him out of my head!!! I thought about him all the time. What in the world was happening? Its like I just had to get a response. I had to keep trying. Didnt he tell me I was hot? Didnt he say things would work out and he'd be in touch? Well, how long would that take? I knew it was against my better judgement, because I know how to play the game. Its just that, dammit! He wasnt playing it right.

Why?! Ugghhhhh... I know I pushed too hard, but I hate waiting, and I am a go-getter. I want it when I want it. But I know that isnt a good approach. I couldnt help it though. Anyway, I felt like he wasnt interested, but I had to know for sure, so I decided to wait a few days and then text him about the kiss. I knew that if he responded to that, then I still had some type of chance, but if he didnt respond that I should just delete his number.

So, I waited.... and then I texted him, and said something about wanting a follow-up on that kiss. Or something stupid about the kiss. And guess what? No response. So, I deleted his number. Dammit! I was actually excited about meeting him, because he was different and sexy, but really down to earth like he didnt even know he looked like a freaking movie star with a better body than most. (SWOON)

He probably thinks Im an idiot, or some loon, but Im just impatient. That's all. He excited me, and I wanted to learn more about him. I was so curious. And I wanted him to learn about me. I didnt want anything more than that. But I blew it.

Im still not sure exactly why he was under my skin the way he was. Maybe because I havent been excited by anyone in a long time (drunk or no drunk) and I was hyped just meeting him. You know? Someone who can make me think of them later (after alcohol too!!!) was a big deal. I never give my number out in a club, especially to someone who lives a million miles away. But he was just DIFFERENT. What can I say? I just did not keep my cool.

Lesson learned. If he says he'll be in touch, let him be the one to make first contact. (I know that there's a possibility that he wouldnt have contacted me regardless of what I did. BUT... I know I messed up. So if there was a chance, I botched it. LOL Im super salty, but Ive survived worse.)

-Sigh

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she's dating REWIND

I've learned that I have a lot of followers, but for some reason, many choose to follow secretly, or anonymously. That's fine by me, but I decided to re-post two of the older entries to give them a chance to catch up.

But no worries, more coming soon.


-Sha'ahn