Thursday, January 12, 2012

Entry two: Can't get him out of my head

me and my girlfriend. thats me in purple

So, A few weeks ago I went to this invitation-only, VIP-only event that a celebrity was throwing to promote his new website. I knew it was gonna be a good night because for starters, I was with one of my homegirls with whom I ALWAYS have a great time. Second, I got a parking spot right in front of the venue; third, we were first in line and our names WERE on the list (as they should have been, since we RSVP'd, but you know how that stuff can be...) It was also unseasonably warm for early November so I didnt have to check my coat.

We go inside, and I must say that the club was NICE. Super clean, and modern. A really classy spot. Intimate, yet open enough to not feel like youre standing on top of people. So, I find out after attempting to pay the bartender that the bar was open all night. Im thinking, "Can this night get any better?" At that moment, I spy HIM. This guy who I assumed was working the event, because despite the "dress code" the invitation said would be strictly observed, he was wearing jeans and Nikes. He had his hair cut in an old school type fade that was all curly. I figured he was Hispanic, with his caramel colored skin and curly hair. I pegged him as an islander - maybe Dominican, or even Crucian.

Turns out, he was neither, but Im jumping ahead of myself. Let me backtrack.

Okay, so Im thinking this man is fine. A little on the short side, but Im only 5,3 and I was rocking 6-inch heels and he was still a tiny bit taller, so that works for me. I give him 5,9 or 5,10. Anyway, he was so good looking to me, that I was actually intimidated. I was afraid to talk to him. (Haha ha, just like in high school) So what did I do? The same thing I did in high school, got my girlfriend to speak to him for me!

I was anxious as hell for her to get back to the spot we had claimed near the bar, and as soon as she did, I was practically shouting, "Well, what'd you say? What'd he say? Tell me!!!!" She looked down at me (she's super tall) and said, "All I said was, when you come back this way, stop over here," and gestured to the area where we were standing. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Why hadnt she said something to the effect of, "My girl has the hots for you?" I guess that would be too elementary, but whatever, at least he'd know why he was summoned back over.

So fast forward three drinks and an hour later. We had forgotten about the "come back" request because the celeb host had shown up and the place got packed. We took pictures with said celeb and danced a bit before migrating over to a section where VIP tables hadnt been sold yet and sat down to chill.

Mind you, throughout the night, I had spotted cutie pie here and there, but he seemed busy and in addition to that, he was always with this chick. So, I was trying to figure out whether they were working together, or seeing each other. Their body language didnt convey anything romantic, but the fact that they were together all night made me apprehensive. I relayed my feelings to my girl and she said that there was only one way to find out, which would be to talk to him.

AGGHHHHHH I can't do that. No. no way. Okay, yes I could. I had been drinking some good stuff and I had LIQUID COURAGE flowing through my veins. I vowed that the next time I spotted that "Spanish Terrence Howard" cutie that I would say something.

It happened. I saw him near the elastic barrier cordoning off the tables from the rest of the party-goers. I was on one side and he was on the other. I think I was staring at him so hard that he felt it and turned to look in my direction. I didnt know what else to do, so I waved. He gave me the "come here" finger, so I approached. I stepped around the barrier and immediately spouted off two questions.

"You got a girl? Are you married?" To both, he replied, "No." I didnt really believe him, but I wanted to, so I grabbed his hand (ring finger of left hand to be exact) and said, "Are you sure?" and he said, "I know you dont know me, to know whether or not im a good guy, but I do not have a girlfriend or a wife. Im not that type of guy." (Or something like that. Forgive me, but i was inebriated, Okay??)

I smiled and said, ok. Anyway, I say, okay, then whats your number? And I hand him my phone. He said, "You're a go-getter arent you? You go after what you want?" I said, "Yup!" and then he puts in his first and last name, and even shoots me an email. I dont remember him doing all of this, but he must have because I noticed later that I responded to an email at 249 a.m. (the next day after I woke up.) The email was a one liner, but that was cool with me. We danced, exchanged a little more information, and I learned that he was not Hispanic, that he lived on the West Coast and that he was working the event as a film maker. I was like, cool! I love artists. And he's FINE! He was a good dancer and I liked that he was respectful. He wasnt drinking either, which was cool. Showed his professionalism.

We got separated for a bit, and when we linked back up, it was nearly time to go. So, I sat him down (I think. This part is foggy.) I was sad that he lived so far away and I said as much to him. He told me not to worry. That things had a way of working themselves out, and we'd see each other again. I felt encouraged by that, but I still doubted it, so I took the mint out of my mouth and put it in his. In hindsight he probably thought I was trying to tell him he had bad breath, which he didnt... I was just tired of eating that mint and I didnt have a napkin to place it in, so I put it in his mouth. I dunno why I did that. I blame the alcohol.

After that, I kissed him. I think like three times. Nothing lewd, or slutty. Just some pecks, but I managed to nick his bottom lip really fast. Im a nibbler/kisser. And then I said I was leaving. He said he was too, and that was that. Im sure I said some other stupid stuff, but I guess I didnt say anything too offensive because he did text me the next day. Just asked me how I was feeling and did I regret anything.

I told him I didnt regret kissing him if thats what he was referring to. And I only regretted missing some texts that he sent looking for me in the club.

After that, I didnt hear much. I was super disappointed. I texted him a few more times ensuring i waited a few days between. He responded, but not like someone who was trying to make any type of connection. I got a little pushy and texted him some more. Just little stuff like, "Hi. Have a good day." He replied to some, and not others. I wasnt used to no response. Im used to guys texting me and ME not responding. This was different and unsettling. I couldnt get him out of my head!!! I thought about him all the time. What in the world was happening? Its like I just had to get a response. I had to keep trying. Didnt he tell me I was hot? Didnt he say things would work out and he'd be in touch? Well, how long would that take? I knew it was against my better judgement, because I know how to play the game. Its just that, dammit! He wasnt playing it right.

Why?! Ugghhhhh... I know I pushed too hard, but I hate waiting, and I am a go-getter. I want it when I want it. But I know that isnt a good approach. I couldnt help it though. Anyway, I felt like he wasnt interested, but I had to know for sure, so I decided to wait a few days and then text him about the kiss. I knew that if he responded to that, then I still had some type of chance, but if he didnt respond that I should just delete his number.

So, I waited.... and then I texted him, and said something about wanting a follow-up on that kiss. Or something stupid about the kiss. And guess what? No response. So, I deleted his number. Dammit! I was actually excited about meeting him, because he was different and sexy, but really down to earth like he didnt even know he looked like a freaking movie star with a better body than most. (SWOON)

He probably thinks Im an idiot, or some loon, but Im just impatient. That's all. He excited me, and I wanted to learn more about him. I was so curious. And I wanted him to learn about me. I didnt want anything more than that. But I blew it.

Im still not sure exactly why he was under my skin the way he was. Maybe because I havent been excited by anyone in a long time (drunk or no drunk) and I was hyped just meeting him. You know? Someone who can make me think of them later (after alcohol too!!!) was a big deal. I never give my number out in a club, especially to someone who lives a million miles away. But he was just DIFFERENT. What can I say? I just did not keep my cool.

Lesson learned. If he says he'll be in touch, let him be the one to make first contact. (I know that there's a possibility that he wouldnt have contacted me regardless of what I did. BUT... I know I messed up. So if there was a chance, I botched it. LOL Im super salty, but Ive survived worse.)




wtjolley said...

These type of things happen to the best of us. but you cannot stop. kudos to you for being a go-getter and then having the balls to follow-up and blog about it. these are the types of situations we alll go thru. and NOW you know the pain of why it's hard being the "chaser" (usually the guy). You text, and get no reply, and don't know to pursue or let it go. these things are so tricky. but the only way to get better is to get beaten, so just keep on keepin on.. and u r hot (at least from what the above pic shows lol) so i think you'll be "just fine", as drake would say :)

Sha'ahn said...

Thank you wtjolley! I appreciate you reading the blog and commenting. Indeed, being the chaser can be tough. But Im always up for a challenge.

LaRhonda said...

Maybe he was gay...

Anonymous said...

Very interesting and kept me interest to the end. This such magical stories It just set you on the path to figure out what went wrong and how to prevent it in the next relationship. You are a wonderful writer.

markyeeee said...

if you like someone you have to go for it. You did! Its better tosay stupid stuff than regret not saying whats inyour heart