Monday, November 28, 2011

entry five: if you're looking for a One-Night-Stand, just say so

Me, Thanxgiving day


One of the most annoying things about men and dating these days is that for the life of them, they just can't seem to be upfront about their intentions. I think if they were, the outcomes they desired would probably be more likely of happening. But for whatever reason, most men choose to lie or trick... (SIGH) Case in point -- On Thanksgiving night, I got a text from my homegirl asking whether or not I could slip away from the family and go for drinks. I was definitely up for it because after traveling three hours to Philadelphia, hanging with family I never get to see, sneaking my dog into a hotel, and dodging questions about when I was gonna settle down, I could certainly use a drink or two.

After training my dog not to cry each time I left the hotel room, I met up with my girlfriend outside my hotel in Old City. We were going to go to Northern Liberties to a great hamburger/lounge/bar called, PYT, but my nerves wouldnt allow me to stray too far from the hotel. I was worried that my dog might go ballistic and then I would be kicked out. So, we settled on an upscale Irish Pub, the Plough & the Stars, on 2nd St. instead. The pub was warm, with a huge fireplace on one wall, and an inviting atmosphere. Not many people were out, but there were a few patrons enjoying the homey place that looked like it had formerly been a bank. We speculated that maybe a 100 years ago, it had been the home of a wealthy Philadelphia family. Anyway, the bartender had an authentic Irish accent, making my friend and I believe we had definitely settled in at the right spot.

We hadn't been there long, and were in the middle of pondering why we felt the need to consume so much material items when a smooth voice behind us asked, "What are you beautiful ladies drinking tonight?"

Both my friend and I turned at the same time to see a very handsome, well dressed guy who looked to be about our age standing behind us. He was wearing a black velvet blazer, a Burberry scarf, a peach buttonup, jeans and sensible shoes. His haircut was PERFECT. (which we complimented him on) He was clean shaven, but had thick dark eyebrows and and jet black hair. I wondered if it was dyed, because it was so dark.

He said his name was "A," and we told him our names. He asked again what we were drinking and we told him it was the Autumn sangria, which wasn't very tasty. I told him as much and asked whether he wanted to try it. He did, and took a sip. My friend remarked that it tasted like cherry-flavored Tylenol with cinnamon, and he said he understood how one could think that. I told him to pull up a stool, and he did, behind, but between my friend and me. We made small talk about Thanksgiving, being with friends, and our most recent topic of consuming so much. I said that as Americans its like indoctrinated in us to always grab more and more, but there's really nothing wrong with not having the latest this or that. He agreed. We spoke about a bunch of stuff and eventually we asked him what he did and that's when he handed me his business card. He said he was in sales and strategy. During our conversation, I learned that he was originally from Russia, and had immigrated to Atlanta with his family when he was six. He spoke Yiddish, Hebrew and Russian. I spoke a little Hebrew and we exchanged a few words. He had a great smile, and that haircut was giving me life! He said it had better look good since that was his family's business. He told us that he flew to Atlanta just for a haircut. My friend and I exchanged looks that mirrored each other -- one eyebrow raised that said, "Okay, Mr. Baller. Hopping states for a haircut!"

He was very debonair and smooth. He complimented us on our pretty smiles, hair and outfits, and for a while, I thought he was simply out alone on Thanksgiving looking for conversation. He was mildly flirtatious, but I wasnt sure whether he was interested in me or my friend. Not that it mattered, because meeting a hottie was the last thing on my mind. I was still partially preoccupied with thoughts of one of the hotel staff ringing my cell demanding I get rid of the illegal canine guest in room 427. We chatted the night away, and A bought us another round of drinks. This time we were more wise and chose something palatable. I had the pumpkin something, and my friend had the apple something. I forget what A had.

When the lights in the pub came up signaling time to go, A paid the tab. My friend and I exchanged looks again, because he paid for the drinks we had ordered before he had even joined us. In other words, he got brownie points again.

We walked outside and A accompanied us to my friend's car. He then made it clear that he was interested in me when he asked how often I get to Philly. I told him almost never and he said we would have to change that. Me and my girl knew what that meant, so she said goodbye, and got into her car. I told A that I would walk him to his car, which A said wasn't far. When we were about half a block away from where my friend was parked, A asked me if he could drive me to her car. I told him I didnt know him well enough to get into his car, and besides, she was only half a block away. He accepted that, and took both of my hands in his. He looked into my eyes and said, "I had a great time tonight, and I would like to see you again." I said, "Me too. But ummm are you sure, you want to see me again? You know, the whole interracial thing?" He looked heavenward before setting his eyes back on mine before answering, "Yup." I said, "Are you sure?" He said, "Yup." I said, "Great, then call me. No,I will call you." He laughed before bringing my hands to his lips. Then he said something that wiped the smile off my face. He said, "I love to pleasure a woman...." I didnt hear the rest because my internal monologue screamed, "Awwww damn, he's after some ass!" I said, "Listen, Im not looking for a lay. But it was nice meeting you." He said, "Oh, no. I know that's easy to find. Im not either." I said, "Okay." In my head, I finished that thought with, "Time will tell."

I didnt have to wait long to find out what his intentions were. Later that morning/night he texted me to let me know he was in safe and sound. The next day, (Friday) he texted me to make small talk and asked me what my plans were. I told him brunch with my sister, then driving home. He even asked if I wanted company, which I thought was cute. I asked if he was willing to drive all the way to Virginia, and he said he was. I told him I couldnt ask him to do that, because I knew (not that I told him this part) that I wasnt going to allow him to spend the night. I thought that maybe I would take another trip to Philly in the very near future and we could have dinner or something though.

Anyway, so far so good right? WRONG
I texted him Saturday asking him whether he was seeing anyone, or married. I usually ask right away, but the way things had gone the other night, I sort of had my guard down. But I did remember eventually, and so I asked. Guess what? I got no response for an entire day. On Sunday, I got a text that said, "Hey. Im trying to figure that out." Now, that could be taken two ways. It could be that he was trying to hint to me that he was interested, or.... he was in a relationship that he didnt want to be in and was contemplating getting out of it. Either way it was evasive and I HATE games. I texted him back, "Huh? Explain." I never got an answer. Well, that was yesterday and today is Monday. This morning I decided to text him. I said, "I thought you were someone I would have liked to get to know, and I expected a straight answer. Actually, from your silence, I have my answer. But to let you know, I am not a side piece."

I still havent heard from him. So, I guess A's intentions were to have fun for the night. Or to have some long-distance booty. I don't understand why someone would want to travel three states to get a piece, but men are weird creatures.

Im not saying that I would have spent the night with A if he had simply come out and propositioned me. But, maybe I would have been open to a friends with benefits relationship, if that's what he was looking for. I mean, he was attractive, and well mannered. Obviously he was financially stable, so I would have kept an open mind. Hell, Im not seeing anyone, not even as a "buddy," so he actually had a chance. If he would have been more upfront, he may have gotten lucky. Might not have been that night, but, well, I'm sure you get where I'm coming from.


Lesson learned: Guys need to just say what they want, because if they play their cards right, they may just get it. But deception and disguise will get you nowhere! It only makes a girl lose respect.

18 comments:

Jimathai said...

Taking all our sisters... smh

Sha'ahn said...

Not quite! you did READ this post right? LOL

Jimathai said...

Oh, my bad... BORROWING all our sisters! :-)

Anonymous said...

He was trying get it in right there!!! Some dudes have been watching too much Hoe Wives shows and think all black women are easy.

Sha'ahn said...

Anonymous, I hear you. But when I asked him about it, he said no. He should have said yes. That would have empowered me and given me a choice, instead of making me not trust him! And honestly, I dont think theres anything wrong with two adults getting together and shagging for a night without commitment, but, it needs to be put out there, not disguised. feel me?

Abiy said...

Hey Sha'ahn... Sounds like you're having a lot of fun LOL Nicely written, Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

A bar probably isn't the best place to expect to meet a life partner. Moreover, I'm not sure what you were expecting of " A" but it is obvious to me that he wasn't looking for anything but a "lay". Why don't you try to relax a little and allow things to happen naturally allowing the man to pursue instead of feeling the need ( perhaps unconsciouly) to be in control as evidenced by your interrogation via text to a person you didn't take the time to get to know. FYI: The guy was upfront with you when, "...He said, "I love to pleasure a woman...." and you got offended... What's wrong with having a little pleasure? You obviously would have entertained the idea of "friends with benefits"

Sha'ahn said...

I dont think the place you meet someone determines the type of person they are. If that was the case, I would have to say that he should have expected me to be an easy lay, since i was in a pub. The pub wasnt the least bit sleazy, and no, I was not there to meet a life partner. I was there to have a drink with my girlfriend. A, brought himself into our little world. Yes, he "hinted" at his objective, but when i told him i wasnt looking for that, he LIED and said that neither was he. LOL The whole point of the blog was to say that, if a one night stand is what he was looking for, then he should have said as much. LOL that's all. It wasnt about us establishing a bond to lead into the future. It was about him being open and honest. Who's to say I wouldnt have wanted a similar situation? But since he tried to act like he wanted to get to know me "mentally", all he did was lose my respect.

Sha'ahn said...

thanks Abiy!

Diligentleman said...

He told you what he wanted. Your reaction probably threw him off guard and he tried to retract. After his “I love to pleasure a woman” statement, you should have looked him in the eyes and asked, “you just want some ass don’t you?” Sure he would have said “YESSS”, in Yiddish, Hebrew, Russian or Urban if he had too. LOL ok, no telling what he would have said but men will straight up tell you what they want if you ask. Women just have to be ready for the answer. You are right tho; he was evasive about his personal business, which you had a right to ask about. But you know what … at least he made the Monday morning BLOG! LOL

Diligentleman

Sha'ahn said...

Lololol he sure did! And I agree with you on all accounts.

Anonymous said...

He was upfront when he said "I love to pleasure a woman." End of story. Sounds like you were looking for more from the wrong man.

Sha'ahn said...

at anonymous, I def knew what he wanted. I wasnt looking for anything more. just wanted him to be upfront. Hinting isnt upfront, and then he back pedaled. that's my point.

AfrikanBeauti said...

Interesting

Anonymous said...

Dating often has it's challenges. I will say that by nature, we're often willing to go to great lengths to show interest in a woman but sadly once we've accomplished what we originally set out to do, we lose that spark. In some rare cases, we become intrigued and stick around to see if there's more to the chemistry. I support being honest and upfront though. It's a rewarding and liberating concept!

Sha'ahn said...

I agree anonymous. honesty is frighteningly liberating

Dee Dee Russell said...

I've been watching your videos and reading your blog this is old and I sure as hell hope you have learned to date by now, wow, you are very thirsty and step to men too much but I know you wrote this in 2011. If I were you, and I think you mentioned you are a Mother, you might want to go delete some stuff. peace and much better dating sucess to you.

Sha'ahn said...

Thx for reading and watching DeeDee