Thursday, August 13, 2015

“Get busy" dating, "or get busy dying” alone

there is always tomorrow

Hello to our readers and followers.  YES, I am smiling!!  This post may not be for everyone.  I want to write about being apprehensive about dating, after being in a relationship OR marriage. 

First, I  will say life goes on.   So you can see where my state of mind is.. I will start by telling you something my dad told me at a very young age. "If your mom left me today, I would be heart broken, probably cry, but I would get over it and move on with life".  Those are words that some people may need to hear.  The problem is, most people can say that, but are we really built like that? 

I was with "my high school sweetheart" for 16 yrs, and married for 7 of those yrs.  It was a very VERY ill situation, as far as the break up goes....( I may or may not blog about that story another time)  But those who know it, are amazed that I am still open to a relationship, period, and not to mention marriage.   I just believe, you can not hold what one person did to you, against every other person in that same group. 

I think that any woman I have dated post marriage, I gave a clean slate to, and did not hold what happened in my marriage against them.  NOW, I am saying, that you do have to take from your experience or experiences from past relationships, but don't let it warp you mind set.  You can move on....  First, make sure you want to be in another relationship.  Then figure out what went wrong, and be HONEST to yourself.  Once you identify what went wrong.  Next figure out what role you AND the other person played.  I think a lot of people either totally blame themselves or the other, when most likely it was both people who had a contribution, even if 95/5%.  As far as your role, is it something you can fix or avoid doing again? As far as their role, was there any warnings to this behavior, that you may have not seen at the time or it may have been that you saw the RED flag, but was blinded by love, infatuation, or it may have even been materialistic things. Like I said be HONEST, lol...

If you have someone you want to date or be with, I think a big thing is to talk about each other's past relationship... By that I do NOT mean drown them with talk about your ex. That is never a good thing, doesn't matter which side does it.   I always tried to explain what I felt I did wrong, not bash my ex, but straight facts, and let the other person judge for themselves. Learn from what you went through, discuss your new expectations, as well as old ones that were not met.  Sha'ahn and I have had plenty of conversations about our past, our individual faults, expectations, and "deal breakers" ( I HATE THAT TERM), lol... I know business, and initial deals are broken all the time, its the renegotiation that seals the deal.  Look at me with my kids and Sha'ahn not wanting to date a man with kids, but she is... As far as I go, I would never had thought I would date a woman so public, but I am.... We BOTH had to renegotiate... But we did it because we felt that strong about one another.

With that being said, don't settle, seek what you want.... And most of all, make yourself happy and I am....

Oh the title is kind of a quote from The Shawshank Redemption

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