Ok, so James (AKA Dimples) and I are both huge flirts, and we like attention.
To be perfectly honest, up until the last couple weeks, I had been having some flirtatious conversations with a male acquaintance. I knew that I should cut it out, but I viewed it as harmless talk since I had no intentions on taking the conversations from the internet to real life.
In fact, I didn't ever bring up anything sexual, but I won't sugarcoat what I did. Being in a committed relationship means that texting or conversing with someone should always be respectful of my relationship. All conversations should be deemed as appropriate. Meaning, whatever is said, can be repeated in front of James, with no problems.
I can not say that I was always respectful of my relationship while engaging in these conversations. In my mind, I was not doing anything TOO BAD. I justified my behavior by telling myself that in the past, I'd done worse than just exchange racy words.
I was taking my time phasing out men with whom I was previously "talking to," getting to know.
James and I have been consistently getting closer. We didn't (and would not at that time) rush each other to get rid of any "friends."
UNTIL NOW
Okay, okay... We still aren't rushing each other, but both of us got a rude awakening in the last week due to both of us being exposed for having inappropriate conversations with people who were more into us, than we were into them.
"See, what had happened was..."
I was holding sporadic IMs with a couple guys on facebook. Not every day, but on a consistent enough basis to where they were comfortable calling me pet names and stuff. I never called anyone baby or sweetie, but I didn't have issues with them saying that to me. Anyway, I knew in my heart that I should have cut off everyone. And I cut off MOST. When I would get a text or IM asking me out or something, I would say, "I am seeing someone now." But if it was a message from someone I knew I would never see in person, I just let it go on. Sometimes it was out of boredom. Maybe it was out of habit; I don't know exactly why, but it definitely was NOT out of sincere interest in getting to know these guys any further.
James found out about it quite by accident. He was on my laptop looking up something on Google. I already had a tab open for Facebook. Well, guess what happens soon as he closes his tab? You guessed it! The messenger just happens to pop up! And who is it? A guy I had been chatting with.
BUSTED
James scrolls up a little. He notices that the convo was not sexual, but he also noticed that the guy and I were talking about meeting up. I had invited him to an event (that I didn't think he would ever come to, which is why I invited him) that I was planning to go to, but I wasn't even sure I would actually be there! In my mind, I knew nothing was really going on. Just empty words exchanged between me and this guy I cared nothing about. However,
THIS DID NOT LOOK GOOD
I didn't say anything. I just waited for James to speak. Unfortunately, I had to leave for school, so we really couldn't converse. He just told me to call him when I was on lunch break. I reluctantly left the house. The whole time I was driving, I was nervous. I didn't have any excuse for carrying on the conversation on Facebook. And I kept telling myself that I should have ended it earlier that week, when the thought had first crossed my mind. That was the most ironic thing about it. (The fact that I was going to cut the guy off only three days before this incident!)
Now I was in hot water. But deep down, I knew James would not be going anywhere. How did I know? I just did. I mean, how could he leave now, when everything is just getting good? We are seeing each other almost every day now. He's always telling me how much he loves me. These are the thoughts I had as I drove to school, and sat is school, and later drove home.
James texted me on my way home. He told me he was at my house. My stomach flipped. This was most definitely a good sign. As I got closer to home, I began rehearsing what I would say to James.
I decided I would ask him whether we were done with the "Honeymoon" phase. I already decided that I would fight for him, but I wouldn't be living without trust. He would have to be able to move on from this and not hold it over my head later. I was nervous but ready to face whatever consequences lay ahead.
TO BE CONTINUED....
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