Our weekend began last Thursday. We were not exactly beefing, but earlier that week there was some tension. Remember the whole PMS thing? Okay, well I have been tracking my cycle and it seems that I get really sensitive and irritable around the 18th day in the 26-day cycle.
In an effort to assuage any PMS-induced conflicts, James and I have an understanding that around that time of the month, we will be extra patient and open communicators. This way, we avoid problems. We made this agreement after the whole Easter Trip Madness.
James is so patient with me, and understanding. I really dont like snapping off at him over trivial issues, so this hyperawareness is helpful. At the same time, we dont want to have to walk around on eggshells during that time of the month either, so now, its a daily practice that we talk everything out. No matter how long it takes and no matter what is said. And on my part, I really stop and think before I react, just to make sure it's legit and not PMS emotions fueling me.
Let me tell you, oh how our relationship has made LEAPS and BOUNDS since we started this!
Okay, so back to what I was saying before I get too ahead of myself.
Last week, I was feeling a little funky and definitely acting distant from James. I was also fighting allergy attacks big time, so I was irritable too. I just wanted to stay home and curl up in bed. I could hardly hear because my ears were stopped up. My nose kept running and I couldnt stop sneezing.
I missed school a lot last week and everything.
James noticed I was quiet all week. Not texting him back or calling. I guess he had enough, so he called me Thursday and told me we were going out. I was tempted to tell him I was too tired, but I had turned him down the weekend before for going out and I felt like I NEEDED to hang with him so as to fight off that PMS.
When he got to my house, it was around 7. He told me I had time to nap before we left because he needed to do some things first. I was fine with that.
We ended up leaving around 9:30. Not sure what came over myself or James, but Thursday, July 2, 2015 marked a new beginning in the James and Sha'ahn story. I mean, we really didnt do much different than usual... We got gas, we goofed around, we broadcasted on Periscope... We had fun.
Some say it was the new moon, or full moon... Either way, we bonded that night and into the weekend like never before.
I cant say that anything really was any different than any other evening out in DC, but I'll lay everything out for you anyway. Maybe you'll find the "trigger" point to the transformation.
We got to DC and the night was beautiful. After so much rain, the clear night sky was nice and fresh, not humid or balmy. We talked, held hands and found a bar to hang in that wasnt too crowded... See? Nothing out of the ordinary so far. I will admit that James was gripping my hand tightly as we walked together, but thats all I noticed at that time.
Anyway, for some reason that night I got the raps. (Slang for motormouth) Im not a drinker, so I only had one drink. And try as I might, I cant blame the alcohol for making me so talkative. I shared everything. I opened up like never before, and James listened. He listed as I talked for nearly two hours about our relationship, my past relationships, how I feel about their effect on me, and this new relationship. Mostly I was talking about how Ive treated James differently than anyone else before. Taking risks and being vulnerable.
We danced a little and stayed until 2.
On the drive home, James told me he appreciated me opening up and he understood me a lot better. He had some questions to ask me when we got to my place, and thats when things really started to get interesting.
James asked me about my emotional fortress. He told me he could see the layers I had built around myself, and said he wasnt sure how to get to the true Sha'ahn. He said he hadnt really trusted that I was fully invested and had been holding back the entire relationship. I told him that I felt the same way.
I got angry at him though because he asked me to be his woman back in October! I told him that it was unfair to push me so hard, when he wasnt even sure himself what he wanted. He said he was sure he wanted me, but wasnt sure I wanted him, so he was waiting on me to show my hand first! I smacked him! LOL I said, that was totally wrong.
We talked about the "game" we used on each other and gave up our "playa" secrets.
We talked about our past arguments with each other, and dissected everything. We fessed up to doing dirt and forgave each other ALL PAST GRIEVANCES.
You wont believe this, be we talked until 6AM! I had to go to work by 10, so I was a little tired. But I was extremely happy. I had a full day at the spa, but I wasnt even tired, because I was so happy.
When I got off work, I came home, and James had my massage table out, some essential oils and incense and candles burning. It was Just what I needed! He told me to undress, and then he gave me a massage. He said it was my turn for pampering.
Then he told me that he wanted to continue our conversation from that morning, but this time, it was his time to talk. He told me his fears and concerns going into this relationship with me. He said me not wanting to date a man with kids had him intimidated, but he pursued me anyway because he saw something in me. He told me that he was ready to move forward with me for real. No hesitation, no fears or doubts.
James said that his biggest fear was based on his own actions in previous relationships too! I said, "Huh?" He said, that because he and I are so much alike, it colored his perception of me! LOL He said, "Man, Ive done some serious dirt in the past, and since you are so much like me, I was putting that onto you!"
I laughed, because I was doing the same thing!
Right then and there we made vows to always talk, to love each other and to be open and honest. We gave each other a totally clean slate.
We got naked, lay chest to chest and synced our breathing and heartbeats together. Then we each told the other what we planned to give and what we expected from each other. It was so moving! Both of us felt refreshed. James looked as though he would cry.
I asked him was he okay, and he said, he was. He just never felt this free and trusting of a woman before and it felt really good.
I agreed. I told him it was as if a weight was lifted, because I knew I wanted him, I just wasnt sure I could trust him. I apologized for testing him and putting him through so many hoops. It was all a defense mechanism for me.
The next day, Saturday, was July 4. Without hesitation, I told him Id be happy to chill with him and the kids if they'd have me. James was so relieved that I was ready to really move forward! He told me that he wanted me around his children more, but was afraid it might push me away.
He left to go pick them up and told me to meet him at his place around 8:30 that night.
I'll tell you about that in the next post!
But again, let me tell you all how good this feels. I swear its like BC and AD. James and I refer to our relationship now like this: Before Weekend / After Weekend. LOL Because thats how great a difference that weekend made in our lives. Since that last Thursday, we have been all over each other! Cant stay out of the other's face, and cant stop saying, "I Love You."
Even on Saturday, before I could see him, James was calling me all day! LOL We stayed on the phone, or we were in person! Its like we cant get enough of the other person!
I Love LOVE!
|Us July 2|