Tuesday, August 18, 2015

One Year In, What I Learned

I don't know why I feel so much pressure to do something BIG to commemorate our first anniversary. I just do.
It was hard at the time to change my status, but now Im proud to be 'taken"

I thought about making a picture collage and a video compilation highlighting our milestones. As I thought about it, I realized that I kept you guys abreast of nearly every major occurrence in our blossoming relationship. This post will be a lookback, but Im not sure it'll be "compilation" style.
I'll do my best to recap, but if you feel like you may have missed out on a post, simply check the right side of the blog. There you will find the most popular posts (by number of views). That's a great place to start because some of the posts are very old, and it will give you an idea of how far I have come if you count before James, and now who I am after him.

I was looking at my Instagram and noticed plenty of short videos. I think I will try to compile them into a longer video for YouTube and post later this week. Our actual anniversary is Aug 20.

Time really does fly. I have changed so much in this year. Definitely have matured a lot. I think James has matured too.

Okay, so what have I learned so far on my journey? Here goes my thoughts, in no particular order:

I like being vulnerable. I didnt think I would like it, but I relish not being "super." For some reason, I had made up my mind that in order to succeed, I would have to be super Sha'ahn, who needs no help with anything. Of course I needed help from others, but it was just not in me to ask. I've since learned that asking for help doesnt show weakness, it shows strength. James is never afraid to ask for help when he needs it. I don't even mean money. But he helps others whenever he can, and in return, people are there for him when he needs help. It's good to be part of a community, and not be an island. My being an island almost killed this relationship.

James is an alien.

This man has a heart of gold. As he mentioned in his last post, he came out of a very nasty divorce situation that would have killed the hope of love in any NORMAL human being. I won't get into it, because he should be the one to divulge, but let me tell you, I personally, couldnt and probably would never do the things he has done since the divorce. He really has a huge forgiving heart, and he is showing just what true selflessness is. He puts the needs of his children first despite EVERYTHING. I admire that and I feel like Ive met a very decent man. I think Im blessed and lucky to have a man love me who is capable of so much patience and peace in the midst of a lot of b.s.

Sometimes I even get angry when he tells me things about what he is doing concerning his ex. Not because he is doing it, but because I never would, if I was in his place. And I get mad at myself because I should be able to be forgiving too and not hold grudges. This man does not hold a grudge. Have you ever met someone like that? If you have, arent they rare? I swear they must be aliens. Or maybe they really have a divine love inside of them. Being with James has given me a glimpse of what our heavenly father's love must be like for us humans. Depsite all we do, He loves us anyway. He doesnt treat us poorly just because we treat him bad. I see that in James.

A person's upbringing does make a difference.

You know how back in the days a person's family name and background played a major role in courtship and dating/marriages. Of course people occasionally broke away from those traditions and married someone of a different social standing or background, but for the most part, it was encouraged to look for a mate with a "good and traditional" upbringing. Well, I've dated numerous men with varying backgrounds. I might sound old fashioned, but I do see the differences in the men who came from stable households and the ones who didn't. Just as James had to deal with certain aspects of my personality that stemmed from my being a child of divorce, and a divorcee' myself, I reaped the benefits of his stable childhood experience.

early in the relationship James was heavier

Both our families are working class, but his family is more business and entrepreneurial minded, which casts a whole different color on life and work and relationships. Being with him and seeing a strong black family unit, made of business owners and people who keep money in the black community is so refreshing. At first I didn't even know how to process things. When he would talk about work, (earlier in our relationship) I just assumed he worked for a white person. Not only did he work for a black man, but he works with his family owned companies! That is a dream come true for me. I believe black money should stay in black hands until things are more balanced economically in this country. James doesnt parade around shouting "black pride, black power," but he LIVES it. And not only that, but he is not satisfied just working for family, he prefers to work for himself and has owned his own business in the past. He says I inspired him to pursue another business venture, but I think it was in him all along. Maybe I was a catalyst that helped him attract it sooner than later, but I know he would be a success anyway.

Confidence is super sexy.

James was going through a transitional period when I met him. He doesnt drive a fancy car or own a big house. He was primary custodial parent to three children... He was definitely different than any man I've even met or dated seriously. I saw his heart though. He loves his kids, he would do anything for them, but at the same time, he isnt a pushover or easily manipulated. He is confident in his decisions and that is more of a turnon, than the things that I guess normally would have turned me off. He never has asked me to help with his kids or anything! That says a lot. Im not sure if I could go a whole year and never ask my boyfriend to help out with my kids. I do have one child, and I remember I was asking my ex-boyfriend to help out with money or picking my son up from school a few times. (Before a year into the relationship) James has always managed to work things out on his own all the while taking care of me. That is really sexy.

Cheap can be sexy too...

He's frugal, and that irritated me in the beginning. After getting to know him, I realized that James will spend money of something of quality, but if he can get a bargain, he will! Case in point, was last weekend he brought me a towel warmer. He told me he had been hunting on Craigslist for months! He got one that was nearly new and only used twice. It cost him $25! He is extremely resourceful and knowledgeable about pretty much everything. How could I NOT love this man? LOL

Getting What You Asked For is WONDERFUL

You know that saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." Well, I got what I have ALWAYS wished for in a man. Some things I forgot I even wanted because I probably didnt believe I would get a man like that. hahahahaha well, I did get what I wanted, and I am so happy. I am grateful and I show James every chance I get. He is caring, loving, smart, HANDSOME, great in bed, educated, confident, resourceful, takes care of his parents, selfless, considerate, hardworking, faithful... The list goes on. He is not rich, but he has the mindset to become wealthy and he is smart enough to sustain it. I think with my help/partnership he will be untouchable. We make an awesome team.

This year has been amazing. James has softened my heart and it belongs to him. The other night when we were on the phone, he mentioned marriage again. I told him he already knows what my answer will be when he asks.

See? PDA

I have never been so sure of my feelings for a man ever. I have involuntary blinders on. That is something I never thought would happen. Kind of thought I'd be a "player for life." Even the relationships where I was faithful, it was a challenge. I just loved attention that much. Now I only want attention from one man, and it feels pretty good. Especially because I know he only wants attention from me.

We share so much in common. We both enjoy a good laugh but can debate a serious topic with the quickness! Both of us are a little surprised at how passionate we still are about each other and the fact that we are still super hot for each other too. It NEVER gets old with us. We are like teenagers. We laugh a lot. I trust James with everything in me. He has proven that he is worth my time and deserves my loyalty. I can tell him secrets that he wont hold against me too. He is my friend. That is so important to me. I have told James some crazy things, but he's still here.

He loves me. No explanation needed there, right? He told me when he met me that I would be his. Guess what? He was right. He also said early on that his goal was to make me feel more loved than I ever have before, and he is holding up his end! AHHHHHHHH LOVE IT

He is handy at fixing just about anything. (Sexy and saves me money on car maintenance and other things about the house)

And he is so handsome... Sheesh Total package right here. Im so lucky he chose me. Yup! I said it. LOL

He wants to be involved with my life.
At first the blog sharing thing rubbed me the wrong way. Now I look forward to James' entries. He is talented and eager to share his feelings about me. What dude does that? I had to shut up and let him do his thing. I think his posts are refreshing for the blog, and its a good thing to have insight from a male perspective on relationships. He isnt pushy, but he always lets me know that he is here to help in any way he can.

I like being all lovey dovey and mushy with PDA!
It's crazy, but I was the type to not friend my man on FB nor would I change my relationship status on FB. That all changed with James.  Oh, and BTW, James is not a shy person at all. He is expressive and stuff too. I used to think he was phony and just gassin' me up, but he is genuine. He likes to hold my hand when we are out and is always kissing me and hugging me or picking me up. It doesnt matter where we are! I like that.  He makes me feel beautiful all the time too. He notices everything I do, whether its a change in hairstyle or makeup. He compliments me and notices what I do. I never feel like I need to be "more" anything with him. Just want to be a more loving woman.

He appreciates me, and what I bring to the table.
My intellect, my life experiences and business mind fascinates James. He says Im one of the most interesting people he knows. Most men are intimidated by my experiences and travels. Some were even turned off by the car I drive, thinking it made me high maintenance. But James appreciates all that. He listens to me and asks my opinion on things before making a move. He values my mind. That is hard to find with some men.

He does not come with drama! (no explanation needed there)

He cooks for me.

He rarely complains.

He is extremely masculine, but not stupidly macho (SWOON)

He never says anything he does not mean. (THANK YAH) Nothing like a man who is reliable.

I don't have to worry about him cheating (So relieved!)

He forces me to evaluate myself.
As I mentioned above, I can be petty and unforgiving. James isnt like that. He helps me see my own faults (Not by preaching or chastising me, but by his actions that I witness.) and actually inspires me to change for the better. I never boasted about having patience, but being with James has taught me to have some. His family and business comes first, so Ive had to grow patience. It wasnt easy but I get the overall picture, and I believe James is worth my efforts.

To sum it up, Ive learned that all I needed was for someone to truly love me. Love is powerful you guys. I pray each and every person reading this experiences true love for themselves. Although I have been married before, I have to say that what I had in the past was not love. It was NOTHING like what I have with James. I wasnt giving love nor was I given true love. He keeps me balanced.

After a year with James, I now understand that fact.

I think this pic sums us up something proper

No comments: