A date that lasted four years: Part One -- You don't speak english? that's okay, Love is a universal language...

K and I during one of my visits

A few years ago, when I vacationed in the Dominican Republic, I met a super cute guy working at the resort. I stayed for a week, but didn't get the nerve to speak to the guy until the last day I was there.

I mustered up some nerve, and walked over to where he was standing. I looked him straight in his pretty brown eyes and said, "Hi, my name is Sha'ahn. I noticed that you were checking me out all week. I was checking you out too, but I wanted to tell you that I am leaving tomorrow, so I at least wanted to say hi before I left."

He smiled. I smile.

I said, "Well, I know it's pretty bold of me to come over, but I just didn't want to leave before saying something."

He laughed.

I laughed, confused. Did I say something funny? Maybe this was a mistake.

Then he looked at me for a moment and said, "Wait right here."

I was confused. "Okay."

In a minute or two, he returns to where he left me standing, but was now accompanied by this tall Haitian guy dressed in a chef's uniform. The chef said, "Hi, he doesn't speak English, and wants to know what you just said."

I laughed, "What? Well, I guess it doesn't matter, but I told him that I noticed him looking at me all week, and since Im leaving tomorrow I just wanted to tell him goodbye."

The chef translates what I just said to Mr-No-English, who upon hearing my words lit up. He rapidly spoke to the chef in Spanish. The chef turns to me and says, "He told me to tell you his name is K and he thinks youre very pretty. He would like to exchange number with you."

I couldnt help but laugh. "Ummm, he speaks no English, and my Spanish is terrible. How does he suppose we talk? I mean, this ain't gonna work."

The chef translates again, and K gets all animated during his next reply, which was, "My sister speaks English and I can have her translate for me."

I thought to myself that this was ridiculous, but what the hell? I've done crazier things, and besides, I would love to come back to the island one day.

So, we exchanged numbers.

The rest of the story, which takes place over four years I will relay to you on this blog in later posts.

Entry nine: The Nigerian Marine

Egusi Soup

When I was on active duty, I liked to go to the Enlisted Club on the base from time to time for Happy Hour. One day, I went to a "wet down" to celebrate one of my fellow NCO's promotion. During a wet down, the person who got promoted buys drinks for friends that total up to the amount of increase in pay. (In layman's terms, I was getting free drinks)

At that time, my drink of choice was vodka and pineapple. I was having such a good time too. I didn't notice how late it was getting, but I did know that I needed to take a break on the drinks and find myself a dark corner to sober up in before attempting to drive home. How did I know that? Well it wasn't because I was super smart. It was because I nearly had gotten kicked out for dancing too raunchy while still in my uniform. And before you judge me, let me tell you that it was NOT my fault. I was dancing NORMALLY with this Marine, and he got the dumb idea to pick me up. He picked me up by grabbing my legs, so I was like sticking straight up in the air, like he was about to pile drive me. The bartender, who was married to a Marine, shouted over to us, "You should know better than that. Dammit, you're still in uniform, and should be acting like a lady." I was so embarrassed. You see, the Marine who picked me up without my permission was dressed in civilian clothes, so he wasn't held accountable. That really helped to blow my high, and so that's how I ended up leaving the bar, and the dance floor section of the E-Club.

Anyway, as I was sitting at a table, chatting with a girlfriend of mine, this guy walks up. He was a Marine who worked in transportation. I had never seen him before, but my girlfriend had, and she whispered to me that he worked in Motor-T. I said okay, but I wasn't interested. I was still brooding about what had happened twenty minutes earlier and was plotting my revenge on the fool who had gotten me shouted down.

The Marine who had approached our table stood there waiting for permission to sit. He was irritating me by standing there, so I said in the stankest voice I could muster, "Yes, can we help you?"

He smiled. I noted that he had a great smile, and I kind of softened up a little. I gave him the once-over. Tall, lean, dark skinned with almond-shaped eyes. He was attractive and that uniform was fitting! I noticed that he still hadn't said anything. I said, "Yes?"

He said, "I was looking at you for a minute, and decided to come over. My name is E." I said, "Okay," and shrugged as if I didn't care.

My girlfriend made her exit at that point.

I gestured for E to sit down. Now this is where it goes downhill. This man had the nerve to say (and yes, he had a Nigerian accent) "I am looking for a wife."

I was dumbfounded. I mean, who does that? I didn't say a word. He continued, "So, how old are you?"

I stuttered, "You're looking for a wife? You don't think it should be me, do you?"

He laughed and said, "Well, tell me how old you are, and I will tell you whether or not I think that should be you."

I told him how old I was, and he said, "We are the same age, you should let me take you out. What's your number?"

I said, "Are you serious, or are you just trying to make me laugh?" He said that he was serious, and then he told me more about himself, where he was from, how long he had been a Marine and all that. I was tuning him out though, because I wasn't past the WIFE thing.

I said, "oh, okay," as if I had been listening to him. I said, "Hey, umm, E. You really shouldn't tell a girl that you're looking for a wife in the first three minutes of meeting her. Because even if she's looking for a husband, you'll scare her away."

Again, he chuckled, and said, "Well, I like to get that out of the way as soon as possible so they know."

I guess I couldn't argue with that, so I gave him my phone number.

We went out a couple times, and he cooked for me. He said his mother would not like to hear about that, because in Nigerian culture, its a woman's place to be in the kitchen. But he told me that his true passion was cooking and he loved to do it. I enjoyed his food, and I that was how I got introduced to Nigerian culture, including Nollywood movies! I live for those films now.

Things didn't work out for me and E, because it turned out that he had a wife back in Africa. He swears that they were divorcing, but I didn't care to get in trouble with my command for dating a married Marine. It wasn't worth my career, but our few dates were nice, and he was fun to talk to on the phone. And I learned a few things, one of which is that I love Nigerian food. All Nigerian men aren't chauvinists, and some are even great cooks. YUM! I also learned to imitate a mean Nigerian accent. So, there wasn't any wasted time in my eyes.

Entry two: Can't get him out of my head

me and my girlfriend. thats me in purple

So, A few weeks ago I went to this invitation-only, VIP-only event that a celebrity was throwing to promote his new website. I knew it was gonna be a good night because for starters, I was with one of my homegirls with whom I ALWAYS have a great time. Second, I got a parking spot right in front of the venue; third, we were first in line and our names WERE on the list (as they should have been, since we RSVP'd, but you know how that stuff can be...) It was also unseasonably warm for early November so I didnt have to check my coat.

We go inside, and I must say that the club was NICE. Super clean, and modern. A really classy spot. Intimate, yet open enough to not feel like youre standing on top of people. So, I find out after attempting to pay the bartender that the bar was open all night. Im thinking, "Can this night get any better?" At that moment, I spy HIM. This guy who I assumed was working the event, because despite the "dress code" the invitation said would be strictly observed, he was wearing jeans and Nikes. He had his hair cut in an old school type fade that was all curly. I figured he was Hispanic, with his caramel colored skin and curly hair. I pegged him as an islander - maybe Dominican, or even Crucian.

Turns out, he was neither, but Im jumping ahead of myself. Let me backtrack.

Okay, so Im thinking this man is fine. A little on the short side, but Im only 5,3 and I was rocking 6-inch heels and he was still a tiny bit taller, so that works for me. I give him 5,9 or 5,10. Anyway, he was so good looking to me, that I was actually intimidated. I was afraid to talk to him. (Haha ha, just like in high school) So what did I do? The same thing I did in high school, got my girlfriend to speak to him for me!

I was anxious as hell for her to get back to the spot we had claimed near the bar, and as soon as she did, I was practically shouting, "Well, what'd you say? What'd he say? Tell me!!!!" She looked down at me (she's super tall) and said, "All I said was, when you come back this way, stop over here," and gestured to the area where we were standing. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Why hadnt she said something to the effect of, "My girl has the hots for you?" I guess that would be too elementary, but whatever, at least he'd know why he was summoned back over.

So fast forward three drinks and an hour later. We had forgotten about the "come back" request because the celeb host had shown up and the place got packed. We took pictures with said celeb and danced a bit before migrating over to a section where VIP tables hadnt been sold yet and sat down to chill.

Mind you, throughout the night, I had spotted cutie pie here and there, but he seemed busy and in addition to that, he was always with this chick. So, I was trying to figure out whether they were working together, or seeing each other. Their body language didnt convey anything romantic, but the fact that they were together all night made me apprehensive. I relayed my feelings to my girl and she said that there was only one way to find out, which would be to talk to him.

AGGHHHHHH I can't do that. No. no way. Okay, yes I could. I had been drinking some good stuff and I had LIQUID COURAGE flowing through my veins. I vowed that the next time I spotted that "Spanish Terrence Howard" cutie that I would say something.

It happened. I saw him near the elastic barrier cordoning off the tables from the rest of the party-goers. I was on one side and he was on the other. I think I was staring at him so hard that he felt it and turned to look in my direction. I didnt know what else to do, so I waved. He gave me the "come here" finger, so I approached. I stepped around the barrier and immediately spouted off two questions.

"You got a girl? Are you married?" To both, he replied, "No." I didnt really believe him, but I wanted to, so I grabbed his hand (ring finger of left hand to be exact) and said, "Are you sure?" and he said, "I know you dont know me, to know whether or not im a good guy, but I do not have a girlfriend or a wife. Im not that type of guy." (Or something like that. Forgive me, but i was inebriated, Okay??)

I smiled and said, ok. Anyway, I say, okay, then whats your number? And I hand him my phone. He said, "You're a go-getter arent you? You go after what you want?" I said, "Yup!" and then he puts in his first and last name, and even shoots me an email. I dont remember him doing all of this, but he must have because I noticed later that I responded to an email at 249 a.m. (the next day after I woke up.) The email was a one liner, but that was cool with me. We danced, exchanged a little more information, and I learned that he was not Hispanic, that he lived on the West Coast and that he was working the event as a film maker. I was like, cool! I love artists. And he's FINE! He was a good dancer and I liked that he was respectful. He wasnt drinking either, which was cool. Showed his professionalism.

We got separated for a bit, and when we linked back up, it was nearly time to go. So, I sat him down (I think. This part is foggy.) I was sad that he lived so far away and I said as much to him. He told me not to worry. That things had a way of working themselves out, and we'd see each other again. I felt encouraged by that, but I still doubted it, so I took the mint out of my mouth and put it in his. In hindsight he probably thought I was trying to tell him he had bad breath, which he didnt... I was just tired of eating that mint and I didnt have a napkin to place it in, so I put it in his mouth. I dunno why I did that. I blame the alcohol.

After that, I kissed him. I think like three times. Nothing lewd, or slutty. Just some pecks, but I managed to nick his bottom lip really fast. Im a nibbler/kisser. And then I said I was leaving. He said he was too, and that was that. Im sure I said some other stupid stuff, but I guess I didnt say anything too offensive because he did text me the next day. Just asked me how I was feeling and did I regret anything.

I told him I didnt regret kissing him if thats what he was referring to. And I only regretted missing some texts that he sent looking for me in the club.

After that, I didnt hear much. I was super disappointed. I texted him a few more times ensuring i waited a few days between. He responded, but not like someone who was trying to make any type of connection. I got a little pushy and texted him some more. Just little stuff like, "Hi. Have a good day." He replied to some, and not others. I wasnt used to no response. Im used to guys texting me and ME not responding. This was different and unsettling. I couldnt get him out of my head!!! I thought about him all the time. What in the world was happening? Its like I just had to get a response. I had to keep trying. Didnt he tell me I was hot? Didnt he say things would work out and he'd be in touch? Well, how long would that take? I knew it was against my better judgement, because I know how to play the game. Its just that, dammit! He wasnt playing it right.

Why?! Ugghhhhh... I know I pushed too hard, but I hate waiting, and I am a go-getter. I want it when I want it. But I know that isnt a good approach. I couldnt help it though. Anyway, I felt like he wasnt interested, but I had to know for sure, so I decided to wait a few days and then text him about the kiss. I knew that if he responded to that, then I still had some type of chance, but if he didnt respond that I should just delete his number.

So, I waited.... and then I texted him, and said something about wanting a follow-up on that kiss. Or something stupid about the kiss. And guess what? No response. So, I deleted his number. Dammit! I was actually excited about meeting him, because he was different and sexy, but really down to earth like he didnt even know he looked like a freaking movie star with a better body than most. (SWOON)

He probably thinks Im an idiot, or some loon, but Im just impatient. That's all. He excited me, and I wanted to learn more about him. I was so curious. And I wanted him to learn about me. I didnt want anything more than that. But I blew it.

Im still not sure exactly why he was under my skin the way he was. Maybe because I havent been excited by anyone in a long time (drunk or no drunk) and I was hyped just meeting him. You know? Someone who can make me think of them later (after alcohol too!!!) was a big deal. I never give my number out in a club, especially to someone who lives a million miles away. But he was just DIFFERENT. What can I say? I just did not keep my cool.

Lesson learned. If he says he'll be in touch, let him be the one to make first contact. (I know that there's a possibility that he wouldnt have contacted me regardless of what I did. BUT... I know I messed up. So if there was a chance, I botched it. LOL Im super salty, but Ive survived worse.)

-Sigh

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she's dating REWIND

I've learned that I have a lot of followers, but for some reason, many choose to follow secretly, or anonymously. That's fine by me, but I decided to re-post two of the older entries to give them a chance to catch up.

But no worries, more coming soon.


-Sha'ahn

entry eight: just because im friendly, doesnt mean i will have a threesome with you

Me on the bus to New York

The day before New Year's Eve, I was on a Washington Deluxe bus heading to New York City because I had a go-see for a print modeling job. (wish me luck!)

The morning started off well, with my ex picking me up and dropping me off at the bus stop in DuPont Circle in the District. I got there early enough to pick out a decent seat. I wasn't lucky enough to have the seat all to myself but thank goodness the guy who did sit next to me seemed cool and didn't have any B.O.

The bus left on time and aside from the loud talker sitting behind me, all was well. I was eventually able to tune out the loud talking French guy sitting behind me, and drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, I was in New Jersey. I must have been super tired. Then again, the driver was a lead foot and we actually made it into NYC around 1145. That's less than four hours. WOW!

But I digress...

Anyway, when I woke up, I noticed that the guy sitting next to me was on his laptop, no doubt trying to get on Facebook or something. I had my iPad with me, but didn't feel the need to pull it out, when I could easily use my phone to get online. It seemed like the guy was having trouble connecting to the bus's server, and he looked over at me for help. I acted like I was interested in the cars zooming along the Turnpike, but he spoke anyway. He asked me if the bus was wired for wi-fi. I told him that it was, and I would look on the iPad and find the network name.

I did, told him what it was and then I attempted to connect. I was able to connect. He said that he still wasn't able to connect, and then he thanked me for trying to help. I told him it wasn't a problem, and then I continued to look out the window trying to figure out how close we were to our destination.

After a few minutes, the guy - let's call him 'S'- introduced himself. I told him my name and we shook hands. He was an Indian guy originally from New York. He was average height and build with dark features. He was attractive and had beautiful teeth and bright round eyes. His hair was thinning on the top a little, but it didn't detract from his looks overall. I think he was in his mid to late thirties, and I'd give him a 7 on a scale of 1-10. I lied and told him I lived in Arlington. He told me that wasn't far from where he lived in Alexandria and that if I was coming back to Virginia on Sunday then I would be more than welcome to hitch a ride with he and his family. (His wife and son) I told him, thank you but I was actually coming right back in about four hours. I was surprised at his generosity, but chalked it up to the holiday season of giving and whatnot. People are especially kind this time of year, so I didn't suspect the conversation to go where it did later on.

'S' then asked me whether I was going to New York to celebrate New Year's Eve in Times Square. I told him that I wished I could, but I would rather bring in the new year with my family, not a million strangers. "In fact," I said, "I almost always spend New Year's at home. I think I've only gone out on New Year's Eve twice in my adult life." He agreed with me and said he likes New York, but prefers the quiet Virginia life.

I said, "Cool." The next few minutes were filled with small talk, and me plugging THIS blog, and my acting career. I told him that I was taking a big step by attempting to make a living by acting. He seemed impressed, and then he told me I would definitely be a success. He said, "You have a beautiful smile. I'm sure that in no time, I will see you on TV or something and tell all my friends that I met you before on a bus." We laughed about how his friends would probably think he was lying. Then he started telling me about himself and how he had a young son who loved the beach. I told him that I had a son who loved the water too. I told him about my last vacation in Costa Rica where the water was so warm and the beaches so beautiful that my son couldn't get enough. He told me about a beach in Delaware that he said is great for children. I made a mental note to look up the beach. He then made a remark about betting that I looked great in a bikini. I told him that I don't wear bikinis, and he went on about how his wife was that way in the past, but once she gained confidence, she began wearing them. I told him that it was cool the way he encouraged her to step out that way, but I wasn't a bikini type of lady. I didn't feel any type of way about him flirting. I saw it as harmless, but I felt that my telling him how I don't wear bikinis would give him the hint that I wasn't cool with flirting with a married man, and I certainly didn't flirt back.

SIDE NOTE: I was cool with the conversation up until this point, and in the back of my mind I could have sworn he was being flirtatious before the bikini remark. But I brushed it off because he had already inserted that he had a wife into the conversation early on. I guess I would have been more suspicious of where he was taking the dialogue if he hadn't told me he was married.

As we were talking about our families, he kept telling me that I reminded him of his wife. He said that we were the same shape and height. He told me that she loved running, and I told him how I hated running. I said that if I never had to run again, it would be too soon. The Marine Corps had totally turned me off from that form of exercise. He laughed and said his wife could run for hours. So, I thought from the turn of the conversation that he was clear on me not flirting with him.

We continued to make small talk, and soon I saw the overpass that marked the entryway to the tunnel leading into New York City. People were snapping pictures on their cell phones and cameras and the bus was beginning to really liven up with excitement as we approached the drop-off point across the street from Penn Station.

That was when 'S' looked at me kind of funny. Like he was contemplating saying something to me, but was nervous about it. Next he looked at his cell phone and said, "Oh, wow. This is from this girl I'm meeting here." I thought to myself, "Oh. That's why he's nervous, he's about to have a secret rendezvous."

I shook my head and said, "Uhmmm, you better be careful." He looked at me and said, "Oh no, it's okay. My wife knows. We are all actually getting together for our first threesome." My mouth dropped. I said, "Ohhh okay. WOW! That's ummm dangerous." He asked me how so. I then told him about a man I knew a few years back who had lost his wife to a guy they had been swinging with. 'S' didnt think that would happen to him. He said, "Well, I mean, we are open to couples, but we havent done it yet. Besides, this was my wife's idea. She was into girls before marrying me, and we have been married for 15 years now. We want to spice things up."

I said, "Call me a romantic, but I would hope that if I ever remarried that my husband would only have eyes for me, even 15 years down the road." He snorted and said, "It's her idea. I mean, she likes women. In fact, I think she would love you. You should join us." I said, "Naw, that's not my thing."

He asked me if I had ever been with a woman, and that I should just have fun. I told him that I am strictly into men. He then threw my own words back at me that I had used while describing my "she's dating again" blog. He said, "but you told me yourself that dating should be fun, and this is fun. You should really think about hooking up with us in Virginia."

The bus had stopped and people were gathering their things and lining up to disembark. 'S' chilled out on trying to convince me to join his menage a trois. But after we got off the bus, before he walked away, he looked me in the eyes and said, "Hey, you only live once."

I said, "Trust me. I have lived. I've had a lot of fun in the past, but Im not looking for that kind of fun. And for the record what you're proposing isn't dating. So, you can't use the fact that I believe dating should be fun to try and convince me to join you. I'm just not into women like that. Plus, you're married!"

He shrugged and said, "Alright." As though I was missing out on the million dollar grand prize or something. The nerve of this dude.

Before 'S' walked away he offered to point me in the right direction to the casting office. I told him I had directions on my phone and showed him. He said they were good, and then he walked away saying, "Happy New Year!"

I said, "Yeah, same to you," and made my way through the crowd on the corner of 31st Street and 8th Ave toward my destination.

You know what? I just do not understand the swingers' lifestyle. I mean, why get married in the first place if you're gonna bring in someone else? Just defeats the purpose of making these marriage vows. And if excitement is the excuse, then why can't they liven up things between them in other ways?

*shrugs - Eh, to each his own. but its not for me. Im waaay to possessive and jealous to have another woman join my husband and I in an intimate setting. I also think its sad too in a way to not find TOTAL satisfaction in your mate.